Happy Gilmore

Happy Gilmore quotes

46 total quotes (ID: 262)

Happy Gilmore
Mr. Larson
Multiple Characters
Shooter McGavin

[clown laughter] I hate that clown. [Happy succeeds in getting the ball in the clown's mouth] Yeah! [clown head spits ball back out and starts laughing again] You're gonna die, clown! [Happy proceeds to break off the clown's nose with his putter] You think that's funny?! I don't hear you laughing now!

[sucking up to Chubbs] I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not very attractive.

[to alligator that has eaten his ball] That son of a bitch. Give me my ball, give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard. I swear I'm gonna--give the ball, alligator. Hey, you've got one eye! Chubbs. You took his hand!

[to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, bitch.

[to Virginia] You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.

During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

Happy learned how to putt, uh-oh!

Hey Gilmore! You suck, ya Jackass!

I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets harder to leave. I bet you put something to the water.

If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Shooter! Wanna go to the Sizzler and catch some grub?

Somebody's closer!

Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.