Happy Gilmore quotes

53 total quotes

Donald
Happy Gilmore
Mr. Larson
Multiple Characters
Shooter McGavin

View Quote [sucking up to Chubbs] I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not very attractive.

View Quote [to alligator that has eaten his ball] That son of a bitch. Give me my ball, give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard. I swear I'm gonna--give the ball, alligator. Hey, you've got one eye! Chubbs. You took his hand!

View Quote [to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, bitch.

View Quote [to Virginia] You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

View Quote Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

View Quote Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.

View Quote During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

View Quote Happy learned how to putt, uh-oh!

View Quote Hey Gilmore! You suck, ya Jackass!

View Quote I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets harder to leave. I bet you put something to the water.

View Quote If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

View Quote Shooter! Wanna go to the Sizzler and catch some grub?

View Quote Somebody's closer!

View Quote Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.

View Quote Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball... if you can find it.