Grumpy Old Men

Grumpy Old Men quotes

17 total quotes (ID: 846)


Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's going for a ride on the wild baloney pony!

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's taking the skin boat to tuna town!

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's a tom cat on the prowl - meow!

Grandpa: Looks like he's gonna enter the holy of holies! Coitus Uninterruptus!

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's taking the ol' log to the beaver!

John tells his father that Ariel moved in.
John: Did you hear, someone moved into the old Klickner place? A woman.
Grandpa: A woman?
John: Yeah.
Grandpa: Did you mount her?
John: Ohhh, Dad!
Grandpa: Well the woman, does she have big thighs?
John: No!
Grandpa: No?! Then what's the problem? If I was a young fella like you, I'd be mounting every woman in Wabasha. (Grabs the six pack of beer out of his son's hands). Keep the change!

John is worried about having safe sex.
John: See, these days, they say you have to sex.
Ariel: John, when was the last time you made love?
John: October 4th....1978.
Ariel: Oh, I think we're safe.....
Snyder and Max Goldman while John is in the hospital:
Snyder': Beautiful day, Mr. Goldman.
Max':Hey, Snyder! Why don't you do the world a favor and take your lower lip and pull it over your head and swallow?" (Laughs)

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's going put the hot dog in the bun!

Various takes of Grandpa and John watching Chuck visit John's new neighbor Ariel. Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's slipping her the old salami

John and Max asking Chuck about his visit to Ariel.
Max: Your old pal failed you, huh Chuck?
John: Ohhhh, couldn't rise to the occasion?
Max: Yes, the spirit was willing...
John: Yeah, but the flesh was, uh....
Max: Weak! Weak!

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's gonna bury his boner!

John and Max cleaning the snow off their cars
Max: You know what Jacob said. Jacob said that old Billy Henchel was killed in a car crash. Head on collision with a freight truck. Cleared his car straight over the bridge into the Mississippi.
John: Lucky bastard.
Max: You bet.
John: Hey, how is he anyway?
Max: Hes Dead! Died on impact!
John: Jacob, moron. Jacob!

Max: Morning, dickhead.
John: Hello, moron.

Matthau: If I knew there was going to be a nude scene in this picture I would've asked for another million.

Max: Hey dickhead, win the lottery?
John: Enjoy your shower, smartass?