Good Morning, Vietnam quotes

View Quote Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT? 'Cause if it leaks to the VC he could end up MIA, and then we'd all be put on KP

View Quote [as Walter Cronkite] I just want to begin by saying to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt, what it is, what it shall be, what it was. The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon roundup.

View Quote The Mississippi River broke through a protective dike today. What is a protective dike? Is that a large woman standing near the river going [in Butch voice] "Don't go near there!" [in Girly voice] "But Betty-" [in Butch voice] "Don't go near there! Get away from the river! Stay away from there." I know, we can't use the word "****." You can't even say "lesbian", it's "women in comfortable shoes." Thank you very much.

View Quote Adrian as Camp Fashion Consultant: I want to tell you something. You know, this whole camouflage thing, for me, doesn't work very well.
Adrian: Why is that?
Adrian as Camp Fashion Consultant: Because you go in the jungle, I can't see you. You know, it's like wearing stripes and plaid. For me, I want to do something different. You know, you go in the jungle, make a statement. If you're going to fight, clash. You know what I mean?

View Quote Adrian: We've got our traffic report up there on the Ho Chi Minh Trail. How's it going up there?
Adrian as Reporter: Well, Adrian, it's not going exactly well. There's a water buffalo jackknifed up there. It's not a very pretty picture, there's horns everywhere. I dunno what to say, we're gonna maybe drop in a little napalm there, try to cook him down, have a little barbecue.

View Quote General: I think I see a pattern forming here.
Dreiwitz: Sir, these letters are unequivocal! Uh, e.g., [reads a letter] "Hey, Hauk. Eat a bag of shit. You suck." That's pretty much to the point, sir, not much gray area in this one.
Garlick: We got one positive call from some guy in Wichita, who thought that Hauk's comedy was "visionary and interesting." The other eleven hundred calls say that the man can't do comedy to save his dick! [pause] That's a direct quote, sir.
Phil: I've taken ninety calls this morning-- they just don't like Hauk.
Garlick: From a Marine in Danang: "Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls." I have no idea what that means, sir, but it seems very negative to me.
General: I think the troops are trying to tell us something, fellas.

View Quote Adrian: Once again we've got our friend from military intelligence. Can you tell us what you've found out about the enemy since you've been here?
Adrian as Gomer: We found out that we can't find them. They're out there, and we're having a major difficulty in finding the enemy.
Adrian: Well, what do you use to look for them?
Adrian as Gomer: Well, we ask people, 'Are you the enemy? And whoever says yes, we shoot them. [Pause] It's very difficult to find a Vietnamese man named Charlie. They're all named Nyugen or Doh or things like that. It's very difficult for me.

View Quote Lieutenant, you don't know whether you're shot, ****ed, powder-burned, or snakebit.

View Quote Adrian: What's the demilitarized zone? It sounds like something out of the Wizard of Oz
Adrian as Glinda: Oh no don't go in there!
Adrian as Soldier: Ohhh wee ohh. Ho Chi Minh.
Adrian as Glinda: Oh look you've landed in Saigon. You're among the little people now.
Adrian as Munchkin: We represent the ARVN army, the ARVN army. Oh no! Follow the Ho Chi Minh trail! Follow the Ho Chi Minh trail!
Adrain as Witch: Oh! I'll get you my pretty!
Adrian: Oh my God! It's the wicked Witch of the North! It's Hanoi Hannah!
Adrain as Witch: Now, little GI, you and your little Toto too!

View Quote [To Srg. Major Dickerson] You know, you're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history.

View Quote Hauk: Sir, the man has got an irreverent tendency. He did a very off-color parody of former VP Nixon.
General: I thought it was hilarious.
Hauk: Respectfully, sir, the former VP is a good man and a decent man.
General: Bullshit! I know Nixon personally. He lugs a trainload of shit behind him that would fertilize the Sinai. Why, I wouldn't buy an apple from the son of a bitch and I consider him a good, close, personal friend.

View Quote Adrian: Is it true that you're actually-- that you're actually too close to some of the nerve agents they were testing?
Adrian as Gomer: Nerve... uh, gas?
Adrian: Yes, have you used any?
Adrian as Gomer: Well, once, yes, on myself. And it had no-- WOAH! WOAH! No effect on me. I've had no actual-- WOAH! SHE-HOO! WOAH! WOAH! Big dogs! Big dogs landing on my face!
Adrian: I don't know what that means.

View Quote Goooooooood morning, Vietnam! Hey, this is not a test! This is rock-'n'-roll! Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ! Is that me, or does that sound like an Elvis Presley movie?

View Quote Jimmy Wah: [About Hong Kong] Home of the shiiiny green suit.

View Quote Adrian: Listen, I gave you my friendship, and my trust. And now they tell me that my best friend is the goddamn enemy.
Tuan: Enemy? What is enemy? You killing my own people so many miles from your home. We not the enemy. You the enemy.
Adrian: You used me to kill two people. Two ****ing people died in that ****ing bar.
Tuan: Big ****ing deal! My mother dead. And my older brother, who be 29 years old, he dead. Shot by Americans. My neighbor, dead. His wife, dead. Why? Because we're not human to them. We're only little Vietnamese. And I'm stupid enough to save your bullshit life at An Lac.