Hispanic Housekeeper
Buenos días.
Pop 'n' Taco.
Fletch
Chevy Chase · 45 quotes
Alan Stanwyk
Tim Matheson · 3 quotes
Gail Stanwyk
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Fletch & Alan Stanwyk (3), Fletch & Gail Stanwyk (3)
Fletch quotes
Page 2 of 3
Kid
Are you a cop?
As far as you know.
Kid
Are you gonna take me to jail for car theft?
Why? Did you steal the car?
Kid
I sure did.
Well, I'm not even sure that's a crime anymore. There've been a lot of changes in the law.
...
I always use a little chewing gum on these rides. It filters out the pollutants.
Kid
[Fletch swerves to avoid another car]
Oh shit!
Of course you've got some good grillwork there to keep out the ozone. I gotta get this thing up to 95, uh, check out the fluorocarbon output.
Madeline
I'm sorry, who are you again?
I'm Frieda's boss.
Madeline
Who's Frieda?
My secretary.
Pathologist
Ever seen a spleen that large?
No, not since breakfast.
Receptionist
Can I help you Dr...?
Oh it's me, Dr. Rosenpenis. I'm just here to check out Alan Stanwyk's file.
Receptionist
Dr. who?
Dr. Rosenrosen, I just need to get to the records room.
Receptionist
What was that name again?
It's Dr. Rosen, I want to check the records room.
Receptionist
Dr. who?
Dr. Rosen! Where's the records room?
Stanton Boyd
What kind of a name is Poon?
Comanche Indian.
Waiter
Excuse me sir, you are a member of the club?
No, I'm here with the Underhills.
Waiter
The Underhills? They are left, Señor.
Oh they'll be back. He went out for his urinalysis.
Waiter
Would you like to order something, sir? I will put it on the Underhills' bill.
Oh, yes. Very well. I'll have a Bloody Mary, a steak sandwich and a...steak sandwich.
Willy What the hell you need ball bearings for?
Awww, come on guys, it's so simple maybe you need a refresher course. [leans arm on hot engine part, then jumps away] Heyya! It's all ball bearings nowadays. Now you prepare that Fetzer valve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads, and I'm gonna need 'bout ten quarts of anti-freeze, preferably Prestone. No, no make that Quaker State.
[Fletch is being framed for drug possession by two very large cops]
Aren't you gonna read me my rights?
Cop
You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to have your face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped on by him.
I think I'll waive my rights.
...
Chief Karlin [to the arresting officers]
Why don't you two leave us alone?
Yeah, go down to the gym and pump each other.
...
Chief Karlin What's your name?
Fletch.
Chief Karlin What's your full name?
Fletch F. Fletch.
Chief Karlin What do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
I'm a shepherd.
Chief Karlin Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?
I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you.
[after paying his ex-wife's attorney, Fletch walks him to the door]
Keep ten for yourself. Go and get yourself a nice piece of ass.
[Corrupt Police Chief Karlin surprises Stanwyk holding Fletch at gunpoint - said in the dryest manner possible]
Thank God. The police.
[narrating]
As I pulled up to my palatial, imitation apartment building, I noticed the familiar red Oldsmo-Buick of Mr. Arnold T. Pants, Esquire. Attorney for the former Mrs. Irwin M. Fletcher. Time to use the service entrance.
[to Gail Stanwyck, who answers the door wearing a towel]
Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.