Fletch Lives

Fletch Lives quotes

45 total quotes (ID: 1051)

Fletch Lives

(narrating) When I got back, there was a cozy fire in the fireplace...and on the roof, and on the porch. It was great.

(narrating) Over the years, I found Mr. Underhill's credit card to be a useful tool, much like Underhill himself.

(narrating) I never liked guns, especially when they're pointed at me.

Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee Schwartz.

KKK Leader: Folks ain't home. Cross won't burn. Hell, it ain't like it used to be.

Announcer: Lets welcome our guest healer Mr. Claude Henry Smoot

Sheriff: Were y'all doin' drugs?
Fletch: Just Bogle.
Sheriff: Bogle? What's Bogle?
Fletch: It's a very popular drug. Made from grapes.
Sheriff: You're under arrest.
Fletch: What's the charge?
Sheriff: Pissin' me off.
Fletch: Is that a felony or a misdimeanor?

Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: Erwin, admit that you are a sinner.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicap person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.

Fletch: What do you mean, toxic waste?
Frank: Well, it's some special stuff. There's only eleven places in the country that makes this shit.
Fletch: Where?... Frank, just give me the ones that aren't in New Jersey.
Frank: Uh, there's only one.

Fletch: (flirting) Hey Betty, how about lunch at the In N' Out Burger?
Betty Dilworth: (disgusted) No.
Fletch: Okay, forget the burger, how about just the In N' Out?
(she sneers at him)
Fletch: Ok, how about just the In?

(Fletch, dressed as a nerdy businessman, has walked into a biker bar)
Fletch: Name's Ed... Ed Harley.
Joe Jack: Ed... you sure you're in the right place?
Fletch: I think so!
Joe Jack: (mocking) Think so!
(all laugh)
Joe Jack: Ed...
Joe Jack: What are you doing in here?
Fletch: I'll give you a hint... Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
(all stare)
Fletch: You don't get it?
Joe Jack: (grabs Fletch) No, Ed... you're the one that doesn't get it.
Fletch: Ed HARLEY. Harley-Davidson Motorcycles!
Joe Jack: (shocked) You own the company?
Fletch: Well, my granddaddy started it, then my Daddy screwed Davidson out of his half, and now I own the whole thing.
Joe Jack: (really shocked) Harley-Davidson, no shit?
Fletch: No shit!
Joe Jack: (smiling broadly) Hey, everybody! Ed the Third here owns Harley-Davidson! We're the Nazis from Natchez!
(all cheer, embrace Fletch)

Doorman: Name?
Fletch: Ah...Irwin M Fletcher. Irwin Mahatma Fletcher.
Doorman: Address?
Fletch: 7.

Man on Computer: Who are you?
Fletch: Hello, I'm Peter Lemon-Jello and they told me to tell you your house is on fire.
Man on Computer: Thank you!! Good bless you!!
Fletch: (to himself) Thank you for beliving this shit!

Fletch: It's a championship Laker watch.
Cindy Mae: Oh, are you a Laker?
Fletch: I used to date one - only thing I have to remember him by.

Cindy Mae: (Turbulence) Oh Lord, what was that?
Fletch: We just clipped a Piper Cub. Pilot's okay, I just saw him parachuting.