Ferris Bueller quotes

[Speaking about his parents:] They bought it. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.

This is my ninth sick day this semester. It's getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably gonna have to barf up a lung. So I better make this one count.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you a good phoney fever is a deadlock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office—that's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then again, so is high school.

If anybody needs a day off, it's Cameron. He has a lot of things to sort out before he graduates. He can't be wound up this tight and go to college, his roommate will kill him.

[After playing the Clarinet off-key] Never had one lesson!

[to audience] Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

[referring to the Ferrari] It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.

I did have a test today. That wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists - that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all, he was 'The Walrus'. I could be the walrus, but I'd still have to bum rides off of people.

Cameron has never been in love. At least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.

[to Sloane] Do you have a kiss for Daddy?

Do you realize that if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?

[his recorded message for the doorbell] Who is it? [pause] Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!

[To the audience after the credits] You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go!

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