Ernest Goes to Jail quotes

32 total quotes

Charlotte Sparrow (Miss Sparrow)
Chuck
Ernest P. Worrell
Felix Nash
Warden Carmichael

View Quote Charlotte Sparrow (Miss Sparrow): [Thinking Nash is Ernest] What happened to your voice? You sound different.
Felix Nash: Oh, I got a little laryngitis.

View Quote Charlotte Sparrow (Miss Sparrow): Ernest, you're alive!
Ernest P. Worrell [Burnt and recovering from a high fall]: (coughs) I came! I saw! I got blowed up!

View Quote Look, I'm not this guy Nash!

View Quote Ernest P. Worrell: Where to?
Warden Carmichael: To the row!
Ernest P. Worrell: The row?
Warden Carmichael: As in "death row"!
Ernest P. Worrell: Death row? You mean like the chair?! ...The hot seat, dead meat, deep 6, it's over pal, you're outta here bub, the groundhog's are bringing you your mail, you're picking turnips with a step ladder, the no tomorrow row? That kind of row? Oh no. The row?

View Quote [Ernest and the crew he's with are being forced to go into a jail cell, and Ernest is mistaking the prison he's in for his jury "accommodations"]
Ernest P. Worrell: We're sequestered. And on top of that we can't even leave! Oh, this is great. This is just great.
[The prison guard comes up from behind him and hits him]
Ernest P. Worrell: I hope you've got a good story to tell my boss! After all, I do have a living to earn.
Prison guard [Crossly]: Now look, Nash...
Ernest P. Worrell: My name is Worrel. Ernest P. Worrel.
Prison guard: Oh, Mister Funny-Man, huh? Yeah, Mister Funny-Man. You'll think funny when you're tapping to the tune of 2-20, son!
[Throws him into his cell]
Ernest P. Worrell [Remarking to his cell-mates]: That is the rudest bailiff I have ever seen in my life.
[Note: One person mentioned isn't a separate character; instead, it's a role played by a character. "Auntie Nelda" refers to Ernest dressed up as an elderly woman to try and fool the gate guard.]

View Quote We're sorry, Ernest, Bobby didn't know the mace can was loaded.

View Quote Don't worry about that diet, tubby. Once I set this fuse, you'll lose all that weight.

View Quote Is everyone who works here a moron?

View Quote This guy is better off in jail.

View Quote Ernest, we're late for work!

View Quote Ernest P. Worrell: You see that guy?
Prison guard: Yeah, so?
Ernest P. Worrell: He's not on the jury duty, because this man is a prisoner!
Prison guard (Thinking Ernest is Nash): Ugh! I oughta throw in the hole for that Nash!
Ernest P. Worrell: The hole?
Prison guard: Yeah! The hole!
Ernest P. Worrell: The hole like, like in "Solitare the Hole" Like, in a real prison? Like in real, really, really, really, really real prison? The hoose-gow, the slammer, the joint, Alcatraz, San Quentin, Sing Sing, Oh no. I'm in... I'm in... jaaaaaaaaaa-jail-jail-jail!
Prison guard: (laughs sternly)
[Note: The three ["jail"]'s following his yelling refers to echoes that are heard after the camera has panned far out.]

View Quote Here, I'll help you up!

View Quote He's gettin' away!

View Quote This guy is in love! L-U-V! Ernest is in love. Ernest and Charlotte sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Ernest pushing a baby carriage!

View Quote Rubin Bartlett: [Thinking Ernest is Nash] Did you miss me, Mister Nash?
Cell Guard: Close C-12!
Ernest P. Worrell: You, you know I'm not Nash!
Rubin Bartlett: Of course you are! Ernest!