Metatron: Back in the old days, God was vengeful and hot-tempered, and his wrath was borne by the Angel of Death, name of Loki. When Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed, that was Loki. When the waters wiped out everything with the exception of Noah and his menagerie, that was Loki. And he was good at what he did. But one day, he refused to bear God's wrath any longer.
Bethany: Why?
Metatron: Because he listened to his friend, a Grigori by the name of Bartleby.
Bethany: "Grigori"?
Metatron: One of the choirs of angels. They're called "Watchers"--guess what they do. So, one day Loki's wiping out all the firstborn of Egypt--
Bethany: Ah, the Tenth Plague.
Metatron: Tell a person you're the Metatron and they stare at you blankly. Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everybody's a theology scholar! May I continue uninterrupted? Once he's done with the firstborn, Loki takes his friend Bartleby out for a post-slaughter drink. And over many rounds, they get into a discussion about whether or not murder in the name of God is okay. And in the end, Bartleby convinces Loki to quit his position and take one that doesn't involve slaughter. So... very inebriated... Loki tells God he quits, throws down his fiery sword, and gives Him the finger - which ruins it for the rest of us, since from that day forward God decreed that angels could no longer imbibe alcohol, hence all the spitting. [Indicates the once-empty shot glass that he's been spitting Tequila into] So, for their insolence, God decreed that neither Loki nor Bartleby would ever be allowed back into Paradise.
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history. And when the world ends, they'll have to sit outside the gates for all eternity.
Bethany: And this has what to do with me?
Metatron: Someone has clued them in to a loophole in Catholic dogma that would allow them to re-enter Heaven.
Bethany: So what? They beat the system. Good for them.
Metatron: It's not that simple. If they get in, they will have reversed God's decree. Now, listen closely, because this bit's very important. Existence, in all its form and splendor, functions solely on one principle: God is infallible. To prove Him wrong would undo reality and everything that is. Up would become down, black would become white, existence would become nothingness. In essence, if they're allowed to enter that church, they'll unmake the world.
Bethany: If this is so big and important, why are you talking to me? Why doesn't God do something?
Metatron: He could, but He'd rather watch you handle this one personally.
Bethany: Why?
Metatron: Because of who you are.
Bethany: And who am I?
Metatron: The girl in the pj's! Don't ask so many questions; just serve your purpose!
Bethany: I think I'm gonna have to pass.
Metatron: I beg your pardon?
Bethany: When some quiet little infection came and destroyed my uterus, where was God? When my husband decided he couldn't be with a wife who couldn't bear his children, where was God? (scoffs) The hell with Him.
Metatron: Don't allow eons of history and life to be blinked out of being just because you have a grudge with your creator! So you lost the ability to make life; you're being given the chance to play "Mother" to the world by acting like one and protecting it. Saving it! ...But I can't make you. However, if you do choose to stop being selfish and uphold your responsibility, you won't be alone. You'll have support.
Bethany: What, more angels?
Metatron: Prophets. (mumbling into tequila glass) In a manner of speaking. (back to normal volume) Two of them. The one who speaks... and he will, at great length, whether you want him to or not... will make mention of himself as a prophet. The other one--well, he's the quiet type.
Copy quote link to Clipboard
  »   More Quotes from
  »   More Quotes from
  »   Back to the