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The Boondock Saints

The Boondock Saints quotes

72 total quotes

Connor McManus
Connor, Murphy & IL Duce
David Della Rocco (aka "Roc" and "Rocco")
IL Duce
Multiple Characters
Murphy McManus
Paul Smecker, F.B.I.

Rocco: ****in'..What the ****in' ****..Who the ****..**** this ****in'..How did you two ****in' ****s.. ****!
Connor: Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

Rocco: Me! I'm the guy! I know everyone! I know their habits, who they hang out with! I got phone numbers, addresses! I know who they're ****ing, I know where they live! We could kill EVERYONE.
Murphy: What do you think about it?
Connor: I'm strangely comfortable with it.

The Priest: Would they ever harm an innocent person for any reason?
[of Rocco who's holding him gun point]
Paul Smecker: No, they would never do that.
Paul Smecker: Well, the Two Irish guys wouldn't, the Italian guy might. He's kind of an idiot.
The Priest: I'm beginning to see ...

Yakavetta: I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke.
Rocco: Uh, OK. There's these three guys walking on the beach, a spic, a white guy, and a black guy.
Yakavetta: ****!
Rocco: Yeah, right. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says you can wish for whatever you want. So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy...
Vincenzo Lipazzi: ****.
Rocco: Yeah, right, he says to the **** "What do you want?" And the **** says "I want all my **** brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa. So... I'm not funny today, really, this joke sucks, I know...
Yakavetta: Continue the joke.
Rocco: Uh, so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and ****s are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."
[Pause, followed by uproarious laughter]
Yakavetta: (Repeats the punchline) I'll have a coke
Yakavetta: Tell me another one.

[After Rocco accidentally fires a gun, turning the cat into a splatter on the wall]
Murphy: I can't believe that just ****ing happened!
Rocco: IS IT DEAD??

[After Smecker gets a phone call in bed with his gay lover and slaps him]
Paul Smecker: What are you doing?
Hojo: I just wanted to cuddle.
Paul Smecker: Cuddle? What a fag.

[Connor and Murphy always pray over their victims]
Connor, Murphy: And shepherds we shall be, for thee my lord for thee. Power hath decended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command. So we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine Patris, et Filii...
[they **** their guns]
Connor, Murphy: Spiritus Sancti.

[Picking out weapons and gear]
Connor: You know what we need, man? Some rope.
Murphy: Absolutely. What are you, insane?
Connor: No I ain't insane, Charlie Bronson's always got a rope.
Murphy: Whaaaat?
Connor: Yeah, he's always got a lot of rope strapped around him in the movies, and they always end up using it.
Murphy: You've lost it, haven't you?
Connor: No, I'm serious.
Murphy: That's stupid. Name one thing you'd need a rope for.
Connor: You don't ****in' know what you're gonna need it for, they just always need it.
Murphy: What's this 'they' shit? This isn't a movie.
Connor: [picks up a large knife from Murphy's bag] Oh...Is that right, Rambo?
Murphy: All right, get your stupid ****ing rope.
Connor: I'll get my stupid rope. I'll get it. There's a rope right there!
LATER Murphy: Ah, **** you! I'm not the rope-totin'-Charlie-Bronson-wannabe who's gettin' us ****in' lost!
(After falling through a vent in the cieling tied to the rope and killing nine men) Connor (Mocking Murphy) Well, name one thing you're going to need the stupid ****ing rope for.

[after getting caught fondling an unconcious stripper] I'll tip her!

[Family prayer]
As Shepherds we shall be, for Thee my lord for Thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee,
and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.

And whosoever shed man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed, for in the image of God made He man. Destroy all that which is evil. So that which is good may flourish. And I shall count thee amoung my favoured sheep. And you shall have the protection of all the angels in heaven

Brilliant. So now we got a Huge Guy theory and a Serial Crusher theory. Top notch.

Caf? latte. Twist of lemon. Sweet 'n' low.

Catch you on the flip side!

Cuddle? What a fag.