Black Sheep

Black Sheep quotes

29 total quotes (ID: 79)

Black Sheep (1996)
Mike
Steve


Mike: [dressed as security guard] Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.
Teen: Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children over there and give them your little power trip, because they may be impressed by it, asshole!
Mike: Young man, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine! I will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area, far and fast, NOW!


[Mike is pretending to be a cop, Steve is pretending to be a prisoner] Steve: Ro-ads. Roods.
Mike: Quiet back there! I've taken enough guff from you for one day!
[turns to state trooper] Mike: Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!

(talking on the phone) Hi there, this is Mike Donnelly. I work over here at the recreational center. To be honest with you I pretty much run the place ha, ha, ha. Is this ah Pat Gyles? Good, Good. Hey, hope everything's going great in your fine town of er Avery? Edward! Ha, ha, ha. Say, the reason I'm calling is I wanted to tell you a little bit about the candidacy of Al Donnelly. Al Donnelly's a guy with a dream. His dream is to become governor of this great state of Washington. Hell, every guy's got his dream, am I right? Between you, me and the wall here, I doozy myself last night. Ha ha, ha, ha. Get this: A corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles yo-yo's, a circus midget. My grandmother riding by on a bicycle give me the finger, and a duck! Now, I don't know ha, ha, ha. Are you crying? Oh my lord. I am sorry honey, please don't! Could you get your daddy on the phone. No, don't hang up please I...

Motorcycle Cop: Tell me, officer, do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Mike: Well, I got a 426 hemi here, 3/4 cams, nitro boosters, I can get 'er up to as good as 155! Never do, though, of course, unless I'm chasing a cute chick in a Ferrari! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess I was goin' about... 65, tops.
State Trooper: Seven. Seven miles an hour. And normally, when I stop people, they pull onto the shoulder.

Steve: [completely doped on the nitrous oxide] ... But, this map is heavy... It's got all of those... robes on it. Robes? Rogues?
Mike: [also stoned; giggling] Roads!
Steve, Mike: Aahahahaha!
Mike: [suddenly stops laughing] I'm stoned... so are you!
[looks in the backseat] Mike: Dammit! The nitrous oxide's leaking into the car! OK, calm down... we just gotta keep under the speed limit... limit...
[starts giggling again] Mike: Limit! Haha, that's another one of those freaky words!

Steve: This is great I never win at checkers.
Mike: Yes, well, it's kinda easy to win when you NEVER MOVE YOUR BACK ROW!

[Steve comes back sprayed with a fire extinguisher] Mike: Whoa, what happened to you? Did you fall into some mud or something?
Steve: Yeah, I did. And now I'm gonna be famous because I'm the only one in the world who knows where you can find white mud.

[on Drake Sabitch] This guy is like Leatherface, Chucky and Jan Brady all rolled into one.

Mike: [cheering on Rock the Vote Crowd] Yea! Kill whitey!
[crowd goes silent] Rastafarian: No! No! No!

Steve: check it out. This fridge is only being held by this plug. (Pulls plug out, and the fridge rolls toward Mike, crashing into him and running him into a wall.)
Steve: Are you okay? Mike: I'm just dandy! I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!
Steve: We didn't have any pudding in there buddy.

Black Sheep is a 1996 film about a gubernatorial candidate that hires a wormy special assistant whose only job is to make sure the candidate's well-meaning but incompetent brother doesn't ruin the election.. There's one in every family.

(Trying to pronounce "roads") Row-ads. Roods.

Governor Tracy: Now you'll have to tell me your name so I know who to make the check out to.
Clyde: My best friends call me "Cash."

Mike: What the hell was that?
Steve: A chunk in the road or something.
Mike: I just chunked in my pants.

Motorcycle Cop: Could you take him through here a little faster than seven miles per hour, Officer...
Mike: Meoff, Jack. [turns to Steve and mouths "Jack Meoff"]