Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure quotes

View Quote Napoleon: [Napoleon fails to bowl a strike.] Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! (Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!)

View Quote Mr. Ryan: It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."

View Quote Sigmund Freud: I demand einen lawyer.

View Quote Jock giving speech: San Dimas High School football rules!!

View Quote Henry VII: Put them in the iron maiden.
Ted: Iron Maiden?
Bill, Ted: Excellent!
[air guitar]
Henry VII: Execute them.
Bill, Ted: Bogus!

View Quote [future Ted to himself] Ted! Don't forget to wind your watch!

View Quote Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.

View Quote Now where are we, dude? Oh. It's my house.

View Quote Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?

View Quote Billy! You are handling the oddities of time travel with the greatest of ease!

View Quote You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!

View Quote [responding to Freud's invitation to examine him] Oh, no thanks, I just have a slight Oedipal complex.

View Quote Shut up, Ted!

View Quote Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California --- 2688. And I'm telling you, it's great here. The air is clean, the water is clean, even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up, minigolf scores are way down. And we have more excellent waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you, this place is great! But it almost wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

View Quote [putting on his sunglasses] Gentlemen... we're history.