You know Jesminder, I cooked a lovely curry the other day.

Jes? Is that ... Indian?

Do you not realise that you have a daughter with breasts?

All I'm saying is, there's a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella!

Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes!

Woman at Party: [to Jess about marriage] Now do you want a clean-shaven boy like your sister, or a proper Sikh with full beard and turban?

Jess: I'm sorry I missed that penalty, coach.
Joe: It's okay, losing to the Jerries on penalties comes natural to you English. You're part of tradition now!

Jess: Joe! I'm going! They said I could go!
[Joe & Jess hug tightly]
Men in Background: Oi, oi, oi!
Jess: I'm sorry, I forgot.
Joe: That's okay now. I'm not your coach anymore. We can do what we want.
[Joe leans in to kiss Jess. Jess wants to, but pulls back]
Jess: Joe...
Joe: Your dad's not here, is he?
Jess: Joe... I'm sorry.
Joe: What?
Jess: I can't
Joe: Can I ask why?
Jess: Letting me go to America is a big step for my mum and dad. I don't know how they'd survive if I told them about you too.
Joe: I understand
[Both sorrowfully hug each other tightly]

I didn't ask to be good at football, Guru Nanak must have blessed me.

Anyone can cook aloo gobi, but who can bend a ball like Beckham?

[after family accuses her of kissing a white boy who is really Jules] Me? Kissing? A boy? You're mad. You're all bloody mad.

[after seeing Jess almost kiss Joe] You bitch!

Mother, just because I wear trackies and play sports DOES NOT MAKE ME A LESBIAN!

Can't keep losing all my best players to the Yanks now can I?

[to Jess]] Your mum's a barrel of laughs compared to my dad.