Being John Malkovich

Being John Malkovich quotes

26 total quotes (ID: 68)

Charlie Sheen
Craig Schwartz
John Malkovich
Lotte Schwartz
Maxine Lund
Multiple Characters


That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever.


It's my head, Schwartz! It's my head!

Truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy.

Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover.

Hot lesbian witches! It's ****ing genius!

Dr. Lester: Forever doomed to watch the world through someone else's eyes.

Lotte: You are so full of shit Maxine!
Maxine: I know.

Maxine: So I've been thinking...Is this Malkovich fellow appealing?
Craig: Maxine! Yes, of course, Maxine. He's a celebrity.
Maxine: Good. We'll sell tickets!
Craig: Tickets to Malkovich?
Maxine: Exactly! $200 a pop!

Dr. Lester: Ah, tell me Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying?!
Lottie: Oh yes, Dr. Lester, absolutely. You were just explaining the, um, nutritional value of ingesting minerals through a colloidal form, which I personally couldn't agree more with.
Dr. Lester: Oh, be still my heart!

Dr. Lester: Any questions?
Craig: Well, just one. Why are these ceilings so low?
Dr. Lester: Low overhead my boy! We pass the savings onto you! Hahaha!

Craig: There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike.
Maxine: Sounds delightful. Who the **** is John Malkovich?
Craig: He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century.
Maxine: What's he been in?
Craig: Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you see what a can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it. There's only one thing to do. Let's get married right away.