BASEketball

BASEketball quotes

35 total quotes (ID: 994)

Doug Remer
Joe "Coop" Cooper
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari
Others


Joe Cooper: With that new liver he'll be peeing like a champ in no time!
Jenna Reed: That's kidneys, Coop.


Joe Cooper: [Squeak is trying to shut off their gas] Shoot for it.
Kenny Scolari: Shoot for it? What are you, insane? This is my job, you assholes!
Joe Cooper: Right, so just shoot for it. And if you get it in, you can shut off our gas and we'll never call you "Squeak" again.
Kenny Scolari: Or bitch.
Doug Remer & Joe Cooper: [Coop and Reemer exchange looks] Or bitch.
Kenny Scolari: [Squeak lines up, ready to shoot] All right. Check this shit out.
Joe Cooper: Steve Perry.
Kenny Scolari: Huh?
[shoots and misses, ball bounces off roof and hits dog]
Doug Remer: Tough break, Squeak.
Joe Cooper: Yeah, now you gotta fetch the ball, bitch.
[agitated dog growls, and rocks gate vigorously]

Kenny Scolari: I am not going out with his sister!
Joe Cooper: Dude, that's the defense, ya gotta psych them out.
Doug Remer: Yeah, ya gotta say totally ****ed up shit to psych them out.
Kenny Scolari: Oh... Hey wait a minute, why is me going out with his sister totally ****ed up?

Referee 1: What's the matter with Coop?
Referee 2: I don't know, but he's 1 for 11 and he smells like Christian Slater!

Robert Stack: The police have pieced together numerous theories on Coop's whereabouts.
Doug Remer: I have no ****ing clue where the hell he is. For all I care he could be hanging by his neck in his ****ing closet!
Robert Stack: Scenario One: He's hanging by his neck in his ****ing closet.
Jenna Reed: You want to know where Coop is? Just look for where the most heinous, vile, horrible exploitation of children takes place.
Robert Stack: Scenario Two: Coop is at Disney Land.

Surgeon: Has there been a rise in his fluid intake? SWEET JESUS! His sodium levels are through the roof!
Surgery Nurse: I don't get it. He's eight years old and he smells like Robert Downey Jr.

[He pulls Squeak's shorts down, revealing his bottom]
Vagina!
If I had a nickel for every time that ball saved me, I'd have a shitload of nickels!

[in Cartman's voice]
Hey, you guys, seriously, I'm ****in' fat. Seriously, you guys, I'm ****in' fat as ****.
[with Australian accent] How to speak San Franciscan?

[Reemer pulls Squeak out of a drawer-bed]
Doug Remer: Wake up bitch! You're my new best friend!
Kenny Scolari: [half-conscious] Really? Are we going to the zoo?

[standing at the front door]
Joe Cooper: It's Coop and Remer.
Doug Remer: We graduated with Britney.
Dr. Kaiser: You graduated?
Joe Cooper: Of course we graduated, **** - Beer?
[in the house]
Doug Remer: Man this place looks like a Dockers commercial.
Joe Cooper: Oh hey, Stef!
Stephanie: Coop! Remer!
Joe Cooper: You wanna beer?
Stephanie: Oh, my God, you guys haven't changed since High School!
Joe Cooper: Oh, cool.
Stephanie: No, it isn't.
Joe Cooper: ****. Hey, Skidmark Steve, cool. You sill hangin' out, playin' Nintendo?
“Skidmark” Steve: Well, if you must know, I'm in my second year of med school and I'm training for the Summer Games. What are you two up to?
Joe Cooper: Just hanging out. Playing Nintendo. ****.

[trying to psych out a player in their very first game]
Doug Remer: Ugh! One of Britney's moms pubic hairs!
[pulls hairs from mouth]
Basketball player: [disgusted voice] Psh... Ohhhh man!
Joe Cooper: HAH! You lose! Dude that was a SWEET psyche-out!
Doug Remer: Reemer: UGH HERES ANOTHER ONE!
[pulls out more hairs from teeth]

Go back to your fancy cars, and your big bank accounts, and your celebrity friends, and your beautiful women, and Victoria Silvestedt, Playmate of the Year... ****!

Hey, Grumsky, you losin' weight?

I hear your mom's going out with......SQUEAK

Listen to me little bitch! You either go out there and make that shot or I'm gonna shove your head so far up your ****in' ass, you'll have to wear yourself as a hat!