The Awful Truth quotes

View Quote Jerry: I think Barbara and I will be very happy together.
Lucy: Let's drink to our future. Here's hoping you and Barbara will be very happy - which I doubt very much...as we go down life's highway, you going your way and I going my way. I think champagne is so fitting to round out our romance. I remember the first drink we ever had together. You in your very best manner said, 'It must be champagne.' And then you offered a toast, you remember?...Being a woman, I do... You said, 'Lend an ear I implore you. This comes from my heart. I'll always adore you. Til death do us part.' Remember?...Oh dear, well, it was pretty swell, I mean, while it lasted, but uh, all beautiful things must end, so, I guess we may as well call it a day.

View Quote [Lucy poses as Jerry's sister, Lola]
Lola: [while pulling on her handkerchief] Will you excuse me, Mrs. Vance? Thank you. [Mrs. Vance rises, but Lola is the one sitting on the handkerchief] Oh look, it's me, isn't it?! [They both resume their seats and Lola again pulls on the handkerchief] It's you this time, Mrs. Vance. [Mrs. Vance rises again] Look, I'll just put it over here and get it out of the way.
[Mrs. Vance sits down again and shoots upward, after sitting on Lola's hand]
Lola: I guess that could go on and on and on and on.
Mrs. Vance: I hope not!
Lola: Well, I don't want to be rude but may I have a drink?...I had three or four before I got here, but they're beginning to wear off, and you know how that is.

View Quote Jerry: You just thought that if I'd stay up there, you'd show me exactly how innocent a night in the country could be, didn't you?
Lucy: Are you still harping on that same old string? Well, it's a matter of complete indifference to me whether you go or stay. I was just trying to make it easier for you, that's all.

View Quote Jerry: I told you we'd have trouble with this...In a half an hour, we'll no longer be 'Mr. and Mrs.' Funny, isn't it?
Lucy: Yes, it's funny that everything's the way it is on account of the way you feel.
Jerry: Huh?
Lucy: Well, I mean if you didn't feel the way you do, things wouldn't be the way they are, would they? Well, I mean things could be the same if things were different.
Jerry: But things are the way you made them.
Lucy: Oh no. No, things are the way you think I made them. I didn't make them that way at all. Things are just the same as they always were, only you're the same as you were, too, so I guess things will never be the same again. Good night.

View Quote Lucy: You're all confused, aren't you?
Jerry: Uh-huh. Aren't you?
Lucy: No.
Jerry: Well, you should be, because you're wrong about things being different because they're not the same. Things are different, except in a different way. You're still the same, only I've been a fool. Well, I'm not now. So, as long as I'm different, don't you think that, well, maybe things could be the same again? Only a little different, huh?
Lucy: Do you mean that, Jerry? Are you sure?
Jerry: Mmm, hmm.
Lucy: No more doubts?...No more being...?
Jerry: Except, uh...
Lucy: Except what?
Jerry: Well, there's only one thing that bothers me.
Lucy: What?
Jerry: [The door opens] This darn lock.
Lucy: Oh, is that all?