Steve Stifler quotes

Oh, yeah! The Stif-meister's coming back to Grand Harbor! Deck the halls, bye-bye Great Falls, wipe my ass and lick my balls! It's Stifler time, baby! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Jim, can't you keep your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away.

[Thinks champagne is being poured onto his head when he's actually being urinated on from the balcony] Oh, I can taste the bubbles! Actually, I can't.

When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you ****ers learn anything in college?

[When walking past a girl in a short skirt before a lecture]] Ooh! There's little hearts on her panties! There's little hearts on her panties!

Ladies, I am down with the funky shit.

[answers the phone after awkward situation with Jim and Finch] Stif-meister's palace of love--uh, straight love.

Where are the ****ing females?

Oh God, I kissed Jim.

[after Finch describes watering a ficus as a "pure tantric moment"] Finch, stay the **** away from that ficus. That is a jizz-free ficus.

Finch, fist yourself!

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