Joe Gideon [repeated line]
It's showtime, folks!
Played by Roy Scheider 
All That Jazz (1979) · 26 quotes
All That Jazz (1979) · 26 quotes
Most-quoted character in All That Jazz (1979): in 19 of its 26 quotes
Most scenes with: Angelique (5)
Sometimes, I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins.
More lines from Joe Gideon
7 quotes Joe Gideon Joe Gideon [to Audrey]
If I die, I'm sorry for all the bad things I did to you. [to Katie] And if I live, I'm sorry for all the bad things I'm gonna do to you.
Joe Gideon Do you supposed Stanley Kubrick ever gets depressed?
Joe Gideon Stop smiling! Lay back! Lay back! Hold it, hold it, hold it. Candy, Casey, very good. You're gonna do it again, Victoria. Gary, Danny, let's go. Stop smiling, it's not the high school play. Count! Hold it. [to Victoria] Stand on your right foot. Point your left toe. Drop the shoulder. Now, that's not too hard, is it? Again!
Joe Gideon The pain is gone. I'm OK. Nothing wrong with me a rewrite of the show wouldn't cure. A couple of good jokes is what I need.
Joe Gideon [last lines, Joe is dying]
Hey, at least I won't have to lie to you anymore.
Joe Gideon "[to God, during the "hospital escape" scene]" What's the matter, don't you like musical comedy?
Scenes with Joe Gideon
11 scenes Joe Gideon [first lines]
To be on the wire is life. The rest is waiting.
That's very theatrical, Joe.
Joe Gideon Yeah, I know.
Did you make that up?
Joe Gideon I wish I had.
Do you believe in love?
Joe Gideon I believe in saying, "I love you." It helps you concentrate.
Joe Gideon Katie, I tried to give you everything I could give.
Kate Jagger Oh, you give all right; presents, clothes. I just wish you weren't so generous with your ****.
Victoria Porter
[crying]
No, you're right. I'm terrible. I know I'm terrible. I look in the mirror and I'm embarrassed. Maybe I should quit. I just can't seem to do anything right.
Joe Gideon Listen, I can't make you a great dancer. I don't even know if I can make you a good dancer. But, if you keep trying and don't quit, I know I can make you a better dancer. I'd like very much to do that. Stay?
Victoria Porter
Are you going to keep yelling at me?
Joe Gideon Probably.
Audrey Paris Quick. Tell me. What was the name of the girl in Philadelphia, the blonde with the television show?
Joe Gideon Ah, the blonde with the television show. The blonde with the television show in Philadelphia? I remember that girl's name. I remember that girl's name because that girl meant something to me. The blonde with the television show - her name was Sweetheart! Honey? Baby? I can't remember her name.
Audrey Paris Dorothy. Dorothy.
Joe Gideon Who cares? I can't remember her name.
Joe Gideon Nothing I ever do is good enough. It's not beautiful enough, it's not funny enough, it's not deep enough, it's not anything enough. Now, when I see a rose, that's perfect. I mean, that's perfect. I want to look up to God and say "How the hell did you do that? And why the hell can't I do that?"
Now that's probably one of your better con lines.
Joe Gideon Yeah, it it. But that doesn't mean I don't mean it.
Joe Gideon A great entertainer...
A great entertainer!
Joe Gideon A great humanitarian...
A great humanitarian!
Joe Gideon And my dear friend for 25 years...
And my dearest friend for 20 years!
Katie Jagger
You missed by five years, Joe.
Joe Gideon Oh boy, do I hate show business!
Katie Jagger
Joe, you love show business.
Joe Gideon Oh, that's right. I love show business. I'll go either way.
Joe Gideon I always look for the worst in people.
A little of yourself in them?
Joe Gideon Yeah, a little of myself. And generally, I find it.
Well, it may take you years, but you'll find it. Oh, you are cute. You are cute.
Michelle Gideon
It's just that I keep wondering, Dad. Why don't you get married again?
Joe Gideon I don't get married again, because I can't find anyone I dislike enough to inflict that kind of torture on.
Joe Gideon [about Katie]
Why do you suppose she'd put up with this?
I could think of many reasons for being with you.
Joe Gideon Now, don't bullshit a bullshitter.
Joe Gideon [Katie just finished setting up a dinner date, probably to make Joe jealous.]
Who was that?
Katie Jagger
Michael Graham.
Joe Gideon Who is Michael Graham?
Katie Jagger
A dancer in my ballet class.
Joe Gideon Straight or gay?
Katie Jagger
What do you mean?
Joe Gideon I mean, is looking to get laid or is he looking for Mr. Right?
Katie Jagger
He's straight.
Joe Gideon And tall. [turns to leave] Michael Graham is a very tall name. [leaves his room slowly but comes running back] Ho ho ho... Goddamn you, how dare you use my phone! My telephone! To call someone who is not gay!
Katie Jagger
[laughing]
I see! You can go out with any girl in town. Any girl.
Joe Gideon [pointing]
That's right! I go out with any girl in town. I stay in with you.
