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All That Jazz

All That Jazz quotes

36 total quotes

Joe Gideon
Main cast
Multiple Characters

Audrey Paris: Quick. Tell me. What was the name of the girl in Philadelphia, the blonde with the television show?
Joe Gideon: Ah, the blonde with the television show. The blonde with the television show in Philadelphia? I remember that girl's name. I remember that girl's name because that girl meant something to me. The blonde with the television show - her name was Sweetheart! Honey? Baby? I can't remember her name.
Audrey Paris: Dorothy. Dorothy.
Joe Gideon: Who cares? I can't remember her name.

Dancer Backstage: Oh, **** him! He never picks me!
Dancer Backstage: Honey, I did **** him and he never picks me either.

[repeated line] It's showtime, folks!

Sometimes, I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins.

[to Audrey] If I die, I'm sorry for all the bad things I did to you. [to Katie] And if I live, I'm sorry for all the bad things I'm gonna do to you.

Do you supposed Stanley Kubrick ever gets depressed?

Stop smiling! Lay back! Lay back! Hold it, hold it, hold it. Candy, Casey, very good. You're gonna do it again, Victoria. Gary, Danny, let's go. Stop smiling, it's not the high school play. Count! Hold it. [to Victoria] Stand on your right foot. Point your left toe. Drop the shoulder. Now, that's not too hard, is it? Again!

The pain is gone. I'm OK. Nothing wrong with me a rewrite of the show wouldn't cure. A couple of good jokes is what I need.

[last lines, Joe is dying] Hey, at least I won't have to lie to you anymore.

O'Connor Flood: Ladies and gentleman, let me lay on you a so-so entertainer, not much of a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobody's friend. In his final appearance on the great stage of life - uh, you can applaud if you want to - Mr. Joe Gideon!

O'Connor Flood: [singing] Give it to me! Bye bye life, Bye bye happiness, hello loneliness, I think he's gonna die. Bye bye life, Bye bye happiness, Hello emptiness, I think he's gonna die. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Goodbye your life, goodbye.

Audrey Paris: You see, Sammy, in California everybody needs a car. I got a friend who bought a Mercedes just to get to the bathroom.

Davis Newman: This chick, man, without the benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of death into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. "Good morning, Angerdenialbargainingdepressionacceptance!"

Davis Newman: There's all this bullshit about death with dignity. You know what death with dignity is, man? You don't drool.

[first lines]
Joe Gideon: To be on the wire is life. The rest is waiting.
Angelique: That's very theatrical, Joe.
Joe Gideon: Yeah, I know.
Angelique: Did you make that up?
Joe Gideon: I wish I had.