Airplane II: The Sequel quotes
40 total quotes
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Jimmy Wilson: Hey mister, can I ask you a question?
Ted Striker: What is it?
Jimmy Wilson: It's an interrogative statement used to test knowledge, but that's not important right now.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Jimmy Wilson: It's an interrogative statement used to test knowledge, but that's not important right now.
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Buck Murdock: Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.
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Buck Murdock: Oh, cut the bleeding heart crap will ya? We've all got our switches, lights, and knobs to deal with, Striker. I mean, down here there are literally hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights, blinking, beeping and flashing - they're flashing and they're beeping. I can't stand it anymore! They're blinking and beeping and flashing! Why doesn't somebody pull the plug?
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Buck Murdock: We'd better get to the tower, Lieutenant.
Lt. Pervis: We have no tower, sir.
Buck Murdock: No tower?
Lt. Pervis: Just a bridge, sir.
Buck Murdock: Why the hell aren't I notified about these things?
Lt. Pervis: We have no tower, sir.
Buck Murdock: No tower?
Lt. Pervis: Just a bridge, sir.
Buck Murdock: Why the hell aren't I notified about these things?
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Steven McCroskey: Striker? Striker, Striker, Striker!
[a man behind McCroskey strikes a woman]
[a man behind McCroskey strikes a woman]
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Ted Striker: We're going to have to blow the computer!
Elaine Dickinson: Blow ROC?
[a smiling face appears on the computer]
Elaine Dickinson: Blow ROC?
[a smiling face appears on the computer]
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Ted Striker: Quick, you must get everybody into the lounge.
Testa: But we don't have a lounge.
Ted Striker: That's not important right now.
Testa: But we don't have a lounge.
Ted Striker: That's not important right now.
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Mr. Hammen: And how about the time we hopped in the family car and drove all the way to Woodstock?
Mrs Hammen: Oh, that was a time. You got hold of that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks. You keep telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly!
Mr. Hammen: What a bummer.
Mrs. Hammen: No shit.
Mrs Hammen: Oh, that was a time. You got hold of that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks. You keep telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly!
Mr. Hammen: What a bummer.
Mrs. Hammen: No shit.
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Ted Striker: We're not in the past or the present anymore, Elaine. This... is the FUTURE.
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ROC: Voice interface.
Elaine Dickinson: There's an overheat in the core. Please analyze problem.
ROC: There is no apparent overheat.
Elaine Dickinson: Yes, there is, ROC. We read a coreheat. Repeat analysis.
ROC: Analysis confirmed. All systems compute positive.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, not from where I'm sitting, they don't!
ROC: Look, Elaine. Cut the "not from where I'm sitting" shit. It must be a human error.
[Elaine turns to the captain]
Elaine Dickinson: Captain, I think we have a computer foul-up!
Clarence Oveur: I see.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, what do you recommend, Captain?
Clarence Oveur: Maybe you'd better run it through the computer.
Elaine Dickinson: But sir, I already have!
Clarence Oveur: [looking very pleased] Good!
Elaine Dickinson: There's an overheat in the core. Please analyze problem.
ROC: There is no apparent overheat.
Elaine Dickinson: Yes, there is, ROC. We read a coreheat. Repeat analysis.
ROC: Analysis confirmed. All systems compute positive.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, not from where I'm sitting, they don't!
ROC: Look, Elaine. Cut the "not from where I'm sitting" shit. It must be a human error.
[Elaine turns to the captain]
Elaine Dickinson: Captain, I think we have a computer foul-up!
Clarence Oveur: I see.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, what do you recommend, Captain?
Clarence Oveur: Maybe you'd better run it through the computer.
Elaine Dickinson: But sir, I already have!
Clarence Oveur: [looking very pleased] Good!
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Steve McCroskey: We keep losing their radio!
Bug Kruger: Give it to me straight, McCroskey! What's it look like?
Steve McCroskey: [puzzled] The radio? About so big, green, with numbers and lots of knobs...what?
Bug Kruger: I mean the situation! What do your people think?
[The controllers begin thinking about the people in the hijacked airplane]
Controller #2: They're screwed!
Controller #3: They're dead!
Controller Jacobs: Did I leave the iron on?
Bug Kruger: Give it to me straight, McCroskey! What's it look like?
Steve McCroskey: [puzzled] The radio? About so big, green, with numbers and lots of knobs...what?
Bug Kruger: I mean the situation! What do your people think?
[The controllers begin thinking about the people in the hijacked airplane]
Controller #2: They're screwed!
Controller #3: They're dead!
Controller Jacobs: Did I leave the iron on?
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Businessman #1: Don't worry about the Viatex account, we have a buy and sell option; we can't get hurt in either case.
Businessman #2: Just keep in touch with their legal people, Bob.
Businessman #1: Will do.
[two men kiss]
Businessman #2: And Bob, feed the cats.
Businessman #1: Will do.
Businessman #2: Just keep in touch with their legal people, Bob.
Businessman #1: Will do.
[two men kiss]
Businessman #2: And Bob, feed the cats.
Businessman #1: Will do.
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[The Wilsons arrive at checkpoint]
Porter: Can I help you folks?
Alice Wilson, John Wilson: Oh, yes, thank you.
Porter: Aw, is that your dog, son?
[looking at Scraps, Jimmy's dog]
Jimmy Wilson: Yes, his name is Scraps, and he's going to the moon with us.
Porter: Oh no. No dogs are allowed in the shuttle son. I'm afraid Scraps will have to be shot.
[pulls out a gun, shoots the dog and the dog falls to the floor]
Jimmy Wilson: [shouts, bending toward his dog] Scraps! He shot him! He shot Scraps!
[Jimmy's parents look horrified]
Porter: Just joking. Blanks, see? Scraps is fine.
[dog stands up and Porter, Alice and John Wilson are laughing]
Porter: Can I help you folks?
Alice Wilson, John Wilson: Oh, yes, thank you.
Porter: Aw, is that your dog, son?
[looking at Scraps, Jimmy's dog]
Jimmy Wilson: Yes, his name is Scraps, and he's going to the moon with us.
Porter: Oh no. No dogs are allowed in the shuttle son. I'm afraid Scraps will have to be shot.
[pulls out a gun, shoots the dog and the dog falls to the floor]
Jimmy Wilson: [shouts, bending toward his dog] Scraps! He shot him! He shot Scraps!
[Jimmy's parents look horrified]
Porter: Just joking. Blanks, see? Scraps is fine.
[dog stands up and Porter, Alice and John Wilson are laughing]
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First Woman in Line: Where is the passenger processing lounge for the lunar shuttle?
Information Agent: Concourse lounge C, fourth level.
First Woman in Line: Thank you.
Information Agent: Next?
First Woman in Line: How long is my parking permit good for?
Information Agent: Two hours.
First Woman in Line: Thank you?
Information Agent: Yes, next.
Next Man: What's the fastest animal on Earth?
Information Agent: The cheetah. Next?
Female Passenger #3: Should I fake my orgasms?
Information Agent: Yes.
Female Passenger #3: Thank you.
Information Agent: Next?
Information Agent: Concourse lounge C, fourth level.
First Woman in Line: Thank you.
Information Agent: Next?
First Woman in Line: How long is my parking permit good for?
Information Agent: Two hours.
First Woman in Line: Thank you?
Information Agent: Yes, next.
Next Man: What's the fastest animal on Earth?
Information Agent: The cheetah. Next?
Female Passenger #3: Should I fake my orgasms?
Information Agent: Yes.
Female Passenger #3: Thank you.
Information Agent: Next?
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[in a montage of news reports]
Buffalo Anchorman: Our top story tonight: Four alarm fire rages through Downtown Buffalo. Also in the news, Lunar Shuttle heads for the Sun, and certain disaster.
Tokyo Anchorman: Our top story tonight: Four alarm fire rages through Downtown Tokyo. Also in the news, American Lunar Shuttle locked in death struggle. [on the screen behind the anchorman is a clip of Godzilla clenching a Lunar Shuttle in between his teeth]
Moscow Anchorman: [being held at gunpoint] A four-alarm fire in Downtown Moscow clears way for a glorious new tractor factory. And on the lighter side of the news: Hundreds of Capitalists are soon to perish in Shuttle disaster. [as we cut to the next scene, a gunshot is heard]
Buffalo Anchorman: Our top story tonight: Four alarm fire rages through Downtown Buffalo. Also in the news, Lunar Shuttle heads for the Sun, and certain disaster.
Tokyo Anchorman: Our top story tonight: Four alarm fire rages through Downtown Tokyo. Also in the news, American Lunar Shuttle locked in death struggle. [on the screen behind the anchorman is a clip of Godzilla clenching a Lunar Shuttle in between his teeth]
Moscow Anchorman: [being held at gunpoint] A four-alarm fire in Downtown Moscow clears way for a glorious new tractor factory. And on the lighter side of the news: Hundreds of Capitalists are soon to perish in Shuttle disaster. [as we cut to the next scene, a gunshot is heard]