Airplane II: The Sequel quotes

View Quote Opening Crawl: [scrolling up a la Star Wars style] By the close of the twentieth century, construction of colonies on the lunar surface had begun and with this colonization came a new era in space travel. As our story opens, Mayflower 1, the first passenger shuttle to the moon, prepares for its maiden voyage--a voyage filled with hope, yet destined for disaster. Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, Princess Amoura lay back in her bed as the handsome young knight entered the room. The princess slipped off her robe, revealing her silky white thighs. The knight embraced her roughly, and began to caress her soft, round…

View Quote Ted Striker: Mary, which passenger is Joe Solucci?
Mary: 16C. Why?
Ted Striker: He's carrying a bomb.
Mary: A bah—[hands fly up to her mouth to muffle her words]
Striker: No, Not a bah. A bomb.

View Quote Ted Striker: I got a piece of metal. It's a bobby pin.
Murdock: A bobby pin? What the hell is the man doing with a bobby pin?

View Quote The Sarge: Ted Striker was right when he test-piloted that sucker. And what did he get for telling the truth? A one-way ticket to the funny farm!

View Quote Girl on Shuttle: [Repeated to different men throughout the movie] I don't mean to sound forward. I mean, I know I don't know you. But I don't think we're gonna live through this. And... I've never been with a man before.

View Quote Soldier: Those lights are blinking out of sequence.
Buck Murdock: I see.
Soldier: What should we do?
Buck Murdock: Make them blink in sequence.

View Quote Simon: Gentleman, I'd like you to meet our new captain.
Clarence Oveur: Gentlemen, welcome aboard.
Simon: Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer Mr. Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Unger.
Unger: Oveur.
Dunn: Oveur.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn. Gentlemen, let's get to work.
Simon: Unger, didn't you serve Oveur in the Air Force?
Unger: Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn.
Dunn: Yep.
Simon: So, Dunn you were under Oveur and over Unger.
Unger: Yep.
Clarence Oveur: That's right. Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.
Unger: So you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.

View Quote Prosecuting Attorney: Doctor can you give the court your impression of Mr Striker.
Dr. Stone: I'm sorry I don't do impressions, my training is in psychiatry.
Prosecuting Attorney: Of course.

View Quote Jimmy Wilson: I sure am glad they let Scraps ride up here with us, Dad.
John Wilson: I bet Scraps is gonna love the moon.
Jimmy Wilson: Do you think things will be a lot different on the moon, Dad?
John Wilson: Oh, it's gonna be terrific! A whole new world. New kids to play with!
Jimmy Wilson: Does that mean no more headlines about the rape trial?
John Wilson: [angrily while wrapping his knuckles] Not many kids get the chance to live on another planet.
Jimmy Wilson: No more kids yelling, "Your old man's a psychopathic sex pervert"?
John Wilson: [angrily grabs Jimmy's jacket and pulls him close] Look, a man can make an honest mistake! Anyway she was asking for it! They're all asking for it all the time! [lets go of Jimmy and sits back looking crazed]
Jimmy Wilson: (thinking) Dad never slaps me around at home. It must be his coffee.
Alice Wilson: (thinking) No, I've been serving Dad decaf. Hmm. Maybe he's just an asshole.

View Quote Witness: Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn't handle it.
Prosecuting Attorney: Buddy couldn't handle it. Was Buddy one of your crew?
Witness: Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who couldn't handle it, and he went to pieces.
Prosecuting Attorney: Andy went to pieces?
Witness: No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.
Prosecuting Attorney: Howie came unglued?
Witness: Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.
Prosecuting Attorney: And he bailed out?
Witness: No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it was a miracle.
Prosecuting Attorney: Then Howie survived?
Witness: No, 'fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.
Prosecuting Attorney: Over Macho Grande?
Witness: No. I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande. Those wounds run...pretty deep.

View Quote Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.
Jacobs: Well, let's see. First the Earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. [McCroskey walks off] And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it- [Jacobs turns and starts to walk away, continuing to speak, trailing off as he gets further from the camera] he took her best summer dress and he put it on and went to town...

View Quote Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?
Jacobs: Well, I'm two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with.

View Quote Buck Murdock: Who's in control of that bucket o'bolts?
Lt. Pervis: Some guy by the name of Ted Striker, sir.
Buck Murdock: Ted Striker... We were close... until...
Lt. Pervis: Until, sir?
Buck Murdock: Until that day over Macho Grande.
Lt. Pervis: Over Macho Grande, sir?
Buck Murdock: No, I'm afraid I'll never get over Macho Grande.

View Quote Elaine Dickinson: Ted, I have the strangest feeling we've been through this exact same thing before.

View Quote Steve McCroskey: [drunkenly] Gentlemen, I don't find it easy to talk at a time like this, but I got to say something about that guy up there, and I can sum it all up in just one word: courage...dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, *guts*. Why, Ted Striker's got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon. [He gestures extravagantly and falls over]