Beavis and Butthead Do America quotes
53 total quotes
View Quote
Beavis: [after spitting soda on Mr. Anderson's TV] Aaaahh! This crap is warm!
Butt-head: Beavis, you butthole, you broke it.
Beavis: Aaah, no! Dammit!
Butt-head: Beavis, you butthole, you broke it.
Beavis: Aaah, no! Dammit!
View Quote
Beavis: This sucks. It's all hot and stuff.
Butt-head: This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Or, like a 7-Eleven or something.
Butt-head: This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Or, like a 7-Eleven or something.
View Quote
Beavis: Are you threatening ME?
View Quote
Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a monkey's bare-assed uncle.
View Quote
Lady in News: Well, Bob, the news out here is not good. Authorities are calling this the worst highway disaster in the Nation's history. Behind me, over 400 vehicles lay wrecked or stuck.
Agent Bork: Chief, look!
Lady in News: No one knows what caused it, but police have not ruled out...
Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher.
Agent Bork: Where did these guys come from?
Agent Flemming: The question is, where are they going?
Man in News: In other news, G-Pac is set to begin at 2 P.M. tomorrow when representatives from around the world...
Agent Flemming: What the hell? Bork! That bus we picked up, where was it hiding?
Agent Bork: Uh, D.C., Chief.
Agent Flemming: Jesus Jumped-up-- Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our Nation's capitol? Or even worse! If they sold it to some damn foreigner at that conference? Well, it's not going to happen!
Agent Bork: Chief, look!
Lady in News: No one knows what caused it, but police have not ruled out...
Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher.
Agent Bork: Where did these guys come from?
Agent Flemming: The question is, where are they going?
Man in News: In other news, G-Pac is set to begin at 2 P.M. tomorrow when representatives from around the world...
Agent Flemming: What the hell? Bork! That bus we picked up, where was it hiding?
Agent Bork: Uh, D.C., Chief.
Agent Flemming: Jesus Jumped-up-- Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our Nation's capitol? Or even worse! If they sold it to some damn foreigner at that conference? Well, it's not going to happen!
View Quote
Little Old Lady: [to her husband] I want you to meet two nice boys. [She introduces Beavis first] This is Travis and Bob. [to Butt-head] And, what's your last name, dear?
Butt-head: Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
Agent Flemming: Agent Flemming, ATF. So, are you gonna tell us where it is or will I have to have Agent Hurly over there give you another cavity search?
Dallas Grimmes: Is that a promise?
Agent Flemming: Look, Mrs. S****, we know who you are. Tell her, Bork.
Agent Bork: Dallas Grimmes, married to Muddy Grimmes. you run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring.
Dallas Grimmes: Mmph. You got my bad side.
Agent Flemming: 3 days ago, you pulled a job at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada, where you stole the X-5 unit. We happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here, so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
Dallas Grimmes: You gonna charge me with anything? I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now, or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
Agent Bork: We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her another couple of hours.
Agent Flemming: Damn it! Cut her loose. WHERE IS THAT DAMN UNIT?
Butt-head: Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
Agent Flemming: Agent Flemming, ATF. So, are you gonna tell us where it is or will I have to have Agent Hurly over there give you another cavity search?
Dallas Grimmes: Is that a promise?
Agent Flemming: Look, Mrs. S****, we know who you are. Tell her, Bork.
Agent Bork: Dallas Grimmes, married to Muddy Grimmes. you run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring.
Dallas Grimmes: Mmph. You got my bad side.
Agent Flemming: 3 days ago, you pulled a job at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada, where you stole the X-5 unit. We happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here, so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
Dallas Grimmes: You gonna charge me with anything? I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now, or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
Agent Bork: We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her another couple of hours.
Agent Flemming: Damn it! Cut her loose. WHERE IS THAT DAMN UNIT?
View Quote
Bill Clinton: In recognition of your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Butt-head: Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
Beavis: Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
Bill Clinton: Cool, huh?
Butt-head: Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.
Butt-head: Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
Beavis: Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
Bill Clinton: Cool, huh?
Butt-head: Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.
View Quote
Beavis: I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole.
View Quote
Butt-head's Dad: [sitting around a camp fire eating beans] Hey, you want to see something really cool? [farts over camp fire which creates a fiery mushroom cloud]
Beavis: FIRE!
Beavis: FIRE!
View Quote
Butt-head: [dying in the desert] Whoa, I think my life is, like, flashing in front of my eyes. [shows Beavis and Butt-head from infancy to now, sitting on the couch, giggling and watching TV] Whoa. My life was cool.
View Quote
Butt-head: [Butthead dreams that he's a giant and grabs a woman from a building] Uh, hey baby, I'm like pretty tall, uh huh huh huh [a helicopter shoots at him] Damnit cut it out, I'm trying to score! [Punches it]
View Quote
Butt-head: All they have is these shows about water.
Beavis: Yeah, really. Maybe need some shows about fire.
Butt-head: What are you doing, Beavis?
Beavis: Something's wrong with my butt.
Butt-head: Your butt sucks.
Beavis: Hey, how come there's no sound?
Butt-head: I'll fix it.
Beavis: Yeah, really. Maybe need some shows about fire.
Butt-head: What are you doing, Beavis?
Beavis: Something's wrong with my butt.
Butt-head: Your butt sucks.
Beavis: Hey, how come there's no sound?
Butt-head: I'll fix it.
View Quote
Concierge: [leading Beavis and Butt-head into their room] I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, gentlemen. We didn't realize you were registered guests. If there's anything we can do to...
Beavis: [sees TV and remote attached to table, tries to lift it] Damn it. This thing is stuck.
Concierge: Sir, it's attached to the...
Butt-head: You dumb-ass, let me try.
Beavis: [stops] Hey, check it out. That guy's still standing there. [Concierge holds out hand, expecting tip]
Butt-head: Uhh, could you, like, not stand there and stuff? [as soon as concierge leaves] Some people are dumb.
Beavis: Yeah, really.
Butt-head: Uhh, check it out, Beavis. I wonder where this goes. Uh... Whoa. I think I hear a chick.
Beavis: Really? Cool! Neat!
Dallas Grimmes: [Grabs Beavis and Butthead and holds a gun on them] Alright who are you? CIA? FBI? ATF?
Beavis: Hey Butthead it's her!
Butt-head: Whoa! Uh, huh huh hey baby are we like, going to do it? Uh,huh,huh huh.
Dallas Grimmes: [****s the gun] You got two seconds!
Butt-head: Uh, is that going to be enough time?
Dallas Grimmes: [grabs him and pulls him up to her] Who sent you?
Butt-head: Uh, this drunk dude, he said he was going to pay us to do you?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, heh, heh, yeah! [laughs]
Dallas Grimmes: Muddy, son of a bitch! Hold it. What's he paying you?
Butt-head: Uh... 10, uh... [Dallas Grimmes mistakes Beavis and Butt-head for hit men who are hunting her]
Dallas Grimmes 10 grand? [scoffs] Oh, that cheap ass. All right, I've got a better deal for you. I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back there and do him.
Butt-head: You want us to do a guy? No way.
Beavis: I don't know, Butt-Head. That is a lot of money. Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick.
Beavis: [sees TV and remote attached to table, tries to lift it] Damn it. This thing is stuck.
Concierge: Sir, it's attached to the...
Butt-head: You dumb-ass, let me try.
Beavis: [stops] Hey, check it out. That guy's still standing there. [Concierge holds out hand, expecting tip]
Butt-head: Uhh, could you, like, not stand there and stuff? [as soon as concierge leaves] Some people are dumb.
Beavis: Yeah, really.
Butt-head: Uhh, check it out, Beavis. I wonder where this goes. Uh... Whoa. I think I hear a chick.
Beavis: Really? Cool! Neat!
Dallas Grimmes: [Grabs Beavis and Butthead and holds a gun on them] Alright who are you? CIA? FBI? ATF?
Beavis: Hey Butthead it's her!
Butt-head: Whoa! Uh, huh huh hey baby are we like, going to do it? Uh,huh,huh huh.
Dallas Grimmes: [****s the gun] You got two seconds!
Butt-head: Uh, is that going to be enough time?
Dallas Grimmes: [grabs him and pulls him up to her] Who sent you?
Butt-head: Uh, this drunk dude, he said he was going to pay us to do you?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, heh, heh, yeah! [laughs]
Dallas Grimmes: Muddy, son of a bitch! Hold it. What's he paying you?
Butt-head: Uh... 10, uh... [Dallas Grimmes mistakes Beavis and Butt-head for hit men who are hunting her]
Dallas Grimmes 10 grand? [scoffs] Oh, that cheap ass. All right, I've got a better deal for you. I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back there and do him.
Butt-head: You want us to do a guy? No way.
Beavis: I don't know, Butt-Head. That is a lot of money. Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick.
View Quote
[finds a switch in Hoover Dam labeled "Master Station Control" and tries to read it]
Butt-head: Uh, Master-a... Masturbation Control? [flicks the switch several times, making the lights in Las Vegas turn on and off]
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis, check it out! I'm masturbating.
Butt-head: Uh, Master-a... Masturbation Control? [flicks the switch several times, making the lights in Las Vegas turn on and off]
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis, check it out! I'm masturbating.