Wayne's World quotes

View Quote [Wayne and Garth are lying on the hood of the "mirth-mobile", staring at the stars.]
Garth Algar: Sometimes I wish I could boldly go where no man has gone before... but I'll probably stay in Aurora. What are you thinking about?
Wayne: Cassandra. She's a fox. In French she would be called "la renarde" and she would be hunted, with only her cunning to protect her.
Garth: She's a babe.
Wayne: She's a robo-babe. In Latin she would be called "babia majora".
Garth: If she were a president she would be Babe-raham Lincoln.
Wayne: If she lived in the Cretaceous, she'd be Babeasauros Rex.
...
Garth: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?
Wayne: (cracks up laughing) No... No.
Garth: Neither did I. I was just asking.

View Quote Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne: Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out.
Wayne: Well, it does, actually. That's what breaking up is.
...
Stacy: Well, don't you want to open your present?
Wayne: If it's a severed head I'm going to be very upset.
Stacy: Open it.
Wayne: What is it?
Stacy: It's a gun rack.
Wayne: A gun rack... a gun rack. Shyeah, Right! I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?
Stacy: You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.
Wayne: I lost you two months ago. We broke up. Are you mental? Get the net!

View Quote Garth Algar: I mean, we're looking down on Wayne's basement. Only that's not Wayne's basement. Isn't that weird?
Wayne Campbell: Yeah, that's weird, man, that's weird. Garth! That was a haiku!
(Starting at 'I mean' and finishing at the second 'Wayne's basement', this is a haiku. I.e.:
I mean, we're looking/ Down on Wayne's basement. Only/ That's not Wayne's basement.)

View Quote Tiny: Wayne. How you doin'?
Wayne: Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles.
Wayne: Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck.
Wayne: Then it's not just a clever name.

View Quote Wayne Campbell: Tell me, when the first show is over, will you still love me when I'm an incredibly humungoid giant star?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne: Will you still love me when I'm in my hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?
Cassandra: Yeah.
Wayne: Will you still love me when I'm in my carbohydrate, sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase?
Cassandra: .........Yeah.
Wayne: Okay, party. Bonus.

View Quote [Inventor Ron Paxton demonstrates the "Suck Kut", a vacuum/haircutting device.]
Ron Paxton: As you can see, it sucks as it cuts.
Wayne Campbell: It certainly does suck.
Garth Algar: (getting a suck-cut) AAHHH! TURN IT OFF MAN, TURN IT OFF! IT'S SUCKING MY WILL TO LIVE! OH, THE HUMANITY!

View Quote Wayne Campbell: All I have to say about that is "ass-sphincter-says-what" (spoken speedily).
Noah Vanderhoff [arcade owner]: What?
Wayne: A sphincter says what?
Vanderhoff: What?
Wayne: Exactly.

View Quote Benjamin Kane: So, Garth, what do you think of the new set?
Garth Algar: It's kinda like a new pair of underwear. At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.

View Quote Wayne Campbell: So, do you... come to Milwaukee often?
Alice Cooper: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
Pete: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."
Wayne Campbell: I was not aware of that.

View Quote Wayne Campbell: Phil, what are you doing here? You're partied out, man. Again.
Garth Algar: What if he honks in the car?
Wayne: I'm giving you a no-honk guarantee.
...
Garth: Hey Phil, if you're gonna spew, spew into this. [Garth holds out an extremely small paper cup.]

View Quote Okay... First I'll access the secret military spy satelite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I'll ID the limo by the vanity plate "MR. BIGGG" and get his approximate position. Then I'll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR-4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal down into the Azores, up to COMSAT-6, beam it back to SATCOM-3 transponder number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big's limo. It's almost too easy.

View Quote Cassandra: I don't believe I've ever had French champagne before...
Benjamin Kane: Oh, actually all champagne is French, it's named after the region. Otherwise it's sparkling white wine. Americans, of course, don't recognize the convention so it becomes that thing of calling all of their sparkling white champagne, even though by definition they're not.

View Quote Benjamin Kane: Hey, who wants Chinese Takeout? I know a great place!
Wayne Campbell: I'll have the "cream of sum yung gai".

View Quote Let me bring you up to speed. My name is Wayne Campbell. I live in Aurora, Illinois, which is a suburb of Chicago — excellent. I've had plenty of joe-jobs, nothing I'd call a career. Let me put it this way: I have an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets. OK, so I still live with my parents, which I admit is both bogus and sad. However I do have a cable access show — and I still know how to party. But what I'd really like is to do "Wayne's World" for a living. It might happen, tsshyeah, right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.

View Quote I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be. advising Garth about his fear of vomiting if he talks to his dream girl