Employee: What would you say qualifies you as a donor?
Parker: Well, I'd say I'm a fairly intelligent, good-looking man, physically fit, stable…
Employee: Ok... heterosexual?
Parker: [pause] Can I ask you something?
Employee: Sure.
Parker: Are you a faggot?
[The employee, taken aback, doesn't respond.]
Parker: See, you asked me if I was heterosexual. I asked you the same question, only I was clear about the answer I was looking for.
Employee: I just asked if you were heterosexual.

Longbaugh: Well, I've never killed a man…
Employee: I beg your pardon?
Longbaugh: I said I've never killed a man.
Employee: I didn't ask if you had.
Longbaugh: You asked me why I think I was qualified, and I think that's qualification.
Employee: And I'm just wondering why that in particular strikes you as an important qualification for semen donation.
Longbaugh: I would say that's a big fucking qualifica--excuse me, a very important qualification.
Employee: No one's ever said that before…
Longbaugh: Have you ever asked?
Employee: No.
Longbaugh: You should.

Longbaugh: Why is that a big deal?
Employee: Because nobody brings up sex with dead people!

Longbaugh: Course they don't, it's sick.
Employee: You brought it up.
Longbaugh: To say I never did it.
Employee: I didn't ask that.
Longbaugh: You should.

Longbaugh: You have too much faith in people.
Parker: How can you kidnap someone without it?

Parker: Faggot. Just say it.
Employee: No.
Parker: Just say it.
Employee: I'm not going to say that.
Parker: Don't you think it's funny that if I grab a woman's ass and she punches me, she's fighting for her rights, but if a faggot grabs my ass and I punch his lights out, I'm a homophobe?
Employee: Let's just move on.
Parker: Are…you…a faggot?
Employee: Any trace of mental illness in the family?
Parker: It's not what you say anymore, is it? It's all in how you say it.

Parker and Longbaugh lean against Bar Patron's car as the alarms go off
Bar Patron: Hey, hey. Yeah you, get up. What are you retarded? Get off the fucking car!
Raving Bitch: Hey dickless, get off the fucking car! Hey fucksuck, get your slippery fucking ass off the car! Listen to me, get off the fucking car with your fucking ass!
Parker: Shut that cunts mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head!
Bar Patron and Raving Bitch leave the line and menacingly approach Parker and Longbaugh
Raving Bitch: You're gonna wish you never fucking got up this fucking morning asshole, because my boyfriend's gonna fuck you up! And then after that while he's fucking up your fucking gay uncle over there I'm gonna fucking cut off your cock and mail it to your mother, you fucking faggot bitch! You gaylord fucking bitch! How do you like that? You like that a lot you fucking faggot? You like to ass fuck? Fontanella fucking babyheads!
Bar Patron: Go ahead.
Raving Bitch: You like to fuck babyheads? You like to fuck boys? He's gonna fuck you in the ass, how do you like that? He's not even gay but he'll do it just to fuck wi…
Bar Patron: Honey honey. She's got a big mouth but she's not kidding. I'm gonna whip you silly and I'm gonna fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours.

[While kidnapping a pregnet woman named Robin in the hospital]:Parker: Allright guys I want this to go down nice and quiet. So put the guns down.
[The bodyguards do not respond]:Parker: Come on guys this is no good.
Longbaugh: Hey man. The people, the people.
Parker: Can't you people see we have guns here?
[The people do not move]:Parker: Get the fuck out! Get out!
[After everyone leaves]:Parker: Alright guys, come on we've got you dead to it. Now I am gonna count to three.
[The guards cock their guns]:Longbaugh: Ah fuck.
Parker: What the fuck are you doing. You're supposed to be protecting her.
[The guards lower their guns down to Robin's stomach.]:Longbuagh: Ah fuck. Man, what'd I tell you.
Robin: Walk away. Walk away. They don't care about dying, just losing. You're not gonna make it out of here alive. Someone could've called the cops by now, you know they're gonna come! Just walk away.

A heart is the only thing that has value. If you have one, get rid of it.

But, you know then you got the otherside. You got these trigger-happy cocksuckers all about shooting and posturing and "you don't know who I am" kind of thing..."I been to prison".

Follow me Tonto.

I promise you a day of reckoning you won't live long enough to forget.

I think a plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

I'm the guy who you might see one day when you wake up with a pillow over your head, and the only thing you hear is a little bang.

Karma is justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice.

Not money, 15 million dollars. Fifteen million dollars is not money, its a motive with a universal adaptor on it.