Little Bill Daggett: It's been a long time, Bob. You run out of Chinamen?
English Bob: Little Bill, well I thought you was, well I thought that you were dead. I see you've shaved your chin whiskers off.
Little Bill Daggett: I was tasting the soup two hours after I ate it.
English Bob: Well, actually, what I heard was that you fell off your horse, drunk of course, and that you broke your bloody neck.
Little Bill Daggett: I heard that one myself, Bob. Hell, I even thought I was dead 'til I found out it was just that I was in Nebraska.

English Bob: [discussing the assassination of President Garfield] If you were to try to assassinate a king, sir, the, how shall I say it, the aura of royalty would cause you to miss. But, a president, [chuckles] I mean, why not shoot a president?

Ned Logan: Hell, Will. We ain't bad men no more. Shit, we're farmers.
Will Munny: Should be easy killing them, supposing they don't go on down to Texas first.
Ned Logan: How long has it been since you fired a gun at a man, Will? Nine, ten years?
Will Munny: Eleven.
Ned Logan: Easy, huh? Hell, I don't know that it was all that easy even back then. And we was young and full of beans. I mean, if you was mad at 'em, Will, I mean. If they'd done you some wrong, I could see shooting 'em.
Will Munny: We done stuff for money before, Ned.
Ned Logan: Yeah, we thought we did. All right, so what did these fellas do? Cheat at cards? Steal some strays? Spit on a rich fella? What?
Will Munny: No, they cut up a woman.
Ned Logan: What?
Will Munny: Yeah, they cut up her face, cut her eyes out, cut her fingers off, cut her teats, everything but her cunny, I suppose.
Ned Logan: I'll be dogg - Golly, I guess they got it comin'. 'Course, you know, Will, if Claudia was alive you wouldn't be doin' this.

The Schofield Kid: Like I was saying, you don't look no meaner-than-hell, cold-blooded, damn killer.
Will Munny: Maybe I ain't.
The Schofield Kid: Yeah, well, Uncle Pete says you was the meanest goddamn son-of-a-bitch alive, and if I ever wanted a partner for a killin', you were the worst one. Meaning the best, on account as your'e as cold as the snow and you don't have no weak nerve nor fear.
Will Munny: Pete said that, huh?
The Schofield Kid: Yeah, yeah he did. I'm a damn killer myself, 'cept, uh, I ain't killed as many as you on account of my youth.

Ned Logan: I sure do miss my bed.
Will Munny: You said that last night.
Ned Logan: No last night I said I missed my wife, tonight I just miss my dadgummed bed.

The Schofield Kid: [referring to his gun] You go on, keep it. I'm never gonna use it again. I won't kill nobody no more. I ain't like you, Will... [indicating the money] Go on, keep it. All of it. It's yours.
Will Munny: What about the spectacles and fancy clothes?
The Schofield Kid: I guess I'd rather be blind and ragged than dead.
Will Munny: You don't have to worry, Kid. I ain't gonna kill you. You're the only friend I got. Here, take this money and give my half and Ned's half to my kids. Tell 'em if I ain't back in a week, they give half to Sally Two Trees. You keep the rest. You can get them spectacles now.

Skinny Dubois: You know how women lie.

English Bob: A plague on you. A plague on the whole stinking lot of ya, without morals or laws. And all you whores got no laws. You got no honor. It's no wonder you all emigrated to America, because they wouldn't have you in England. You're a lot of savages, that's what you all are. A bunch of bloody savages. A plague on you. I'll be back.

Clyde: [about the house the Sheriff's building] You know, he don't have a straight angle in that whole god-damned porch, or the whole house for that matter. He is the worst damn carpenter.

Delilah Fitzgerald: Are you still goin' to kill those men?
Will Munny: I reckon so. The money's still available, ain't it?
Delilah Fitzgerald: Yeah. Your two friends have been taking advances on the money.
Will Munny: What?
Delilah Fitzgerald: You know, free ones.
[Will looks confused]
Delilah Fitzgerald: Alice and Silky been givin' them free ones. Would you like a free one?
Will Munny: I reckon not.
Delilah Fitzgerald: [Misunderstanding Will] I didn't mean with me. Alice and Silky would be glad to give you one.
Will Munny: I meant I didn't want a free one with Alice or Silky. Because of my wife back home. I reckon if I was to want a free one, it would be with you.

Little Bill Daggett: [telling the real story of English Bob's gunfight] Well, that bullet whizzin' by panicked Corky, an' he done the wrong thing! Pulled his gun in such a damn hurry he shot off his own toe. Meantime, Bob aims good and squeezes off another... but he's still so damned drunk he misses an' hits this thousand dollar mirror behind the bar.
Well, now the Duck of Death is as good as dead 'cause this time Corky does it right an' aims real good, no hurry... Bam! That Walker Colt blew up in his hand... which was a failing common to that model. Now if Corky would have really had two guns instead of just a big dick he could have defended himself to the end.
W.W. Beauchamp: You mean Bob shot him after his hand had been...
Little Bill Daggett: Well he wasn't gonna wait for Corky to grow a new hand. He walked over real close, 'cause he was drunk, an' shot him [makes popping sound] right through the liver.

Strawberry Alice: Just because we let them smelly fools ride us like horses don't mean we gotta let 'em brand us like horses. Maybe we ain't nothing but whores but we, by god, we ain't horses.

Bill Daggett: I don't deserve this… to die like this. I was building a house.
Will Munny: ''''Deserve's got nothin' to do with it.'''' [aims gun]
Little Bill Daggett: I'll see you in hell, William Munny.
Will Munny: Yeah. [fires]

All right now, I'm comin' out. Any man I see out there, I'm gonna kill him. Any sumbitch takes a shot at me, I'm not only gonna kill him, but I'm gonna kill his wife. All his friends. Burn his damn house down.

Strawberry Alice: You just kicked the shit out of an innocent man.
Little Bill Daggett: Innocent? Innocent of what?