[After his parents enter his bedroom, Sam is desperately protesting; the Autobots are secretly outside, and Mikaela is hiding in the room]
Judy Witwicky: Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?
Ron Witwicky: Judy.
Sam Witwicky: [frantic] Was I master... No, Mom!
Ron Witwicky: Zip it, okay?
Judy Witwicky: It's okay.
Sam Witwicky: No, I don't masturbate!
Ron Witwicky: That's not something for you to bring up.
Judy Witwicky: It's okay.
Ron Witwicky: That's a father-and-son thing, okay?
Sam Witwicky: [amazed] Father-and-son thing.
Judy Witwicky: I mean, you don't have to call it that word if it makes you uncomfortable. You can call it "Sam's happy time".
Sam Witwicky: Happy time?
Judy Witwicky: Or "My special alone time with myself".
Ron Witwicky: Judy, stop.
Sam Witwicky: [final plea] Mom, you can't come in and...
Judy Witwicky: I'm sorry, it's just been a weird night; I've had a little too much to drink.
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