Tommy Boy quotes

View Quote Not here, or here so much... but right 'here'.

View Quote Richard, who's your favorite little rascal? Alfalfa, or is it Spanky? Sinner...

View Quote Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died. We just killed Bambi. I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel INTO A GODDAMNED BRIDGE ABUTMENT.

View Quote You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, cuz i'll come over there and jam an oar up your ass!

View Quote R.T. I lost my virginity to your daughter for crying out loud..........Rob, you were there.

View Quote [After watching Tommy wolf down fries and squirt ketchup into his mouth] Ugh! I could just hear you getting fatter .

View Quote It's called reading, you know, top to bottom, left to right. A group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.

View Quote It's the next town, tons-of-fun. It's got to be there. Okay, where's Moron? Okay, Moron's here, so McKeesport...

View Quote Okay, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy. He'll be taking you through my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking, and he's never been laid. Exits, okay, there's one back here, and there's uh, probably one over by the wing somewhere, usually. And what about seatbelts? To fasten, take the little end stick it in the big end and... hey, know what? If you guys don't know how to use a seat belt, just ring your call button, and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tack hammer because you are a ****. Okay, and life preservers, these... we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain.

View Quote He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?

View Quote Ugh, why do you always have to de-turd these things? Look at this one, caught him after Thanksgiving feast, I think I'm gonna need a pooperscooper.

View Quote Ugh, I just barfed on an anthill. Cool. Ugh, I think they're pissed.

View Quote Yikes.

View Quote Big Tom Callahan: Of course, I can get a hell of a good look at a T-Bone steak by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it.

View Quote Quit playing with your dinghy.