Mary: Ted? Did you mean what you said back there?
Ted: [Tearfully] Uh huh. I just want you to be happy, Mary.
Mary: But I'd be happiest with you.
[Pause]
Ted: [Dejected] You're fuckin' with me, right?

Warren: Have you seen my baseball?...Have you seen my baseball?
Student: Hey buddie! I think I know where your ball is!
Warren: You Seen my baseball?!
Student: Yeah, you see that girl over there? shes got it, only, she doesn't call it a baseball, she's got another name for it. [Whispers in Warren's ear]
Warren: [Walks up to a couple kissing] Have you seen my....wiener?
Girl: What?!
Warren: Have you seen my weiner!
Boyfriend: What the hell did you just say buddie?!
Warren: Weiner....
Boyrfriend: Get your hand off my car, I'm gonna fuckin' kick your ass!

[while spying on Mary] Husband... negative. Children and a Labrador... negative. Tight little package... affirmative.