(Spaceball 1's radar has been jammed.) Radar Technichan: [Through P.A to Col. Sandurz] Sir! [Sandurz and Dark Helmet look over] Can I see you for a minute, please sir?
[Sandurz and Helmet walk over]
Sandurz:What is it Private?
Radar Technichan: [Still through the P.A] I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
[Sandurz grabs the microphone the Technichan was just using]
Sandurz: You don't need that, lieutenant. We're here. Now what is it?
Radar Technician: [Still through the P.A] I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.
[Helemet rips the microphone from the console and throws it aside.]
Dark Helmet: Now what is it?!
Radar Technician: [Normally] I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
Dark Helmet: What's wrong with it?!
Radar Technician: I've lost the bleeps, I lost the sweeps, and I lost the creeps.
Dark Helmet: The what?
Colonel Sandurz: The what?
Dark Helmet: And the what?
Radar Techician: You know, the bleeps... [Makes beeping noise]... the sweeps... [Makes vibrating noise] and the creeps. [Makes squeaking noise]
Dark Helmet: [Quietly, to Sandurz] That's not all he's lost.
Radar Technician: Wait, sir! The radar, sir! It appears to be... [Jam starts flowing through the computer screen] jammed!
Dark Helmet: Jammed... [Examines the jam and tastes it] Raspberry. There's only one man... [Sandurz gets out of the way of the approaching camera] ...who would dare give me the raspberry! [Pulls his mask down] Lone Starr! [Walks into the camera and collapses]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage!

1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

Colonel Sandurz: [After discovering Dark Helmet playing with dolls] No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!

Colonel Sandurz: It's Megamaid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Dark Helmet, Skroob, and Sandurz: [watching Mega Maid vacuum up Druidia's air] Suck...suck...suck!

Diner Patron: Water, my ass! Get this guy some Pepto Bismol!

Dot Matrix: [to Barf on the ladder behind her] Hey! Stop looking up my can!

Druidian Priest: Excuse me. I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet!

Druidian Priest: We are here to join these two together in holy--moley!!

King Roland: I'm breathing! Air! Air!!

King Roland: Please bring her back safely! [pause] And if it's at all possible, try to save the car.

Newsman: On a sadder note, Pizza the Hut was found dead earlier today in the back seat of his stretched limo. Evidently, the notorious gangster became locked in his car and ate himself to death.

Princess Vespa: It's my industrial-strength hair-dryer, and I can't live without it!

Spaceball Commander: You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!