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Shrek

Shrek quotes

44 total quotes

Donkey
Shrek




View Quote Don't die on me, Shrek. Oh, and if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
View Quote (Shrek sneaks up on a mob about to storm his swamp)
1st Villager: Do you know what that thing could do to you?
2nd Villager: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread!
Shrek: Actually, that would be a giant. But ogres, oh, they're much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin! They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually it's quite good on toast...
2nd Villager: (waves a torch in front of Shrek) Back! Back, ya beast! I warn ya!
(Shrek licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch like a match)
2nd Villager: Oh...
View Quote Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories and in the morning, I'm making WAFFLES. [pause] Umm, where do I sleep?
Shrek: OUTSIDE!
View Quote Donkey: So, you gotta go to this abandoned castle, get past a dragon and rescue a princess so Farquaad gives you back your swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that right?
Shrek: You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
View Quote [Shrek and Donkey are on their way to rescue Fiona. Donkey sniffs the air, and smells something horrible.]
Donkey: Whew, Shrek, did you do that?! Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.
Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if that was me, you'd be dead. [sniffs] It's brimstone... we must be getting close.
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone, don't be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelt and it wasn't no brimstone, and it didn't come off no stone neither.
View Quote Shrek: Go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
Donkey: Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the Princess.
Shrek: The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
Donkey: How do you know that?
Shrek: I read it in a book once.
View Quote Lord Farquaad: [upon seeing Shrek] What is that? Urgh, it's hideous!
Shrek: Well that's not very nice. [looks at Donkey] It's just a donkey.
View Quote Donkey: Whoa! Look at that! Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh, and it is LOVELY! Just BEAUTIFUL! You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget! [looks at boulder] I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.
View Quote Old Lady: No no no! He talks!...He does! (Moves Donkey's lips) I can talk! I love to talk! I'm the talkingest dang thing you ever saw!
Captain: Get her out of my sight!
View Quote Princess Fiona: I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre, and... and his pet!
Donkey: Well, so much for "noble steed"!
View Quote [Fiona is trying to hide indoors before nightfall.]
Donkey: Wait a minute, now I see what's going on here. [slight pause] You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?
Fiona: Why... yes! Yes, that's it, I'm terrified!
Donkey: Don't worry, princess, I used to be afraid of the dark too. But that was until-- No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
View Quote [Donkey has been telling Fiona about DuLoc]
Princess Fiona: And my groom-to-be, Lord Farquaad. What's he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess. [knowing glance at Donkey] Men of Farquaad's standards are in "short" supply. [chuckles]
Donkey: No, Shrek. There are those who think very "little" of him!
[Shrek and Donkey laugh]
Princess Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you! You know, you're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
Shrek: [grins] Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow!
Princess Fiona: [suddenly anxious] Tomorrow? Will it really take that long? Shouldn't we set up camp?
Shrek: No, that'll take longer.
Princess Fiona: But there's... robbers in the woods!
Donkey: [tense] Whoa, time out, Shrek! Campin' sure is startin' to sound like a good idea 'round here!
Shrek: Hey, come on! I'm scarier than anything we're gonna see in this forest--
Princess Fiona: [furious] I need to find somewhere to camp NOW!!!
View Quote [Shrek shows Donkey some star constellations]
Shrek: Over there. That's Throwback, the only ogre ever to spit over three wheatfields.
Donkey: Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?
Shrek: Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey, they tell stories. [points] Look, there's Bloodnut the Flatulent. [grins] You can guess what he's famous for!
Donkey: Alright, I know you're makin' this up.
Shrek: No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench.
Donkey: Ah, that ain't nothin' but a buncha little dots!
Shrek: Y'know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. [pauses, then indicates himself] Hmm? [pause] Ah, never mind.
[pause]
Donkey: Hey, Shrek. What are we gonna do, when we get our swamp back?
Shrek: Our swamp?
Donkey: Y'know, when we're through with rescuin' the princess and all that stuff.
Shrek: We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. And the first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.
Donkey: [looks hurt] You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. [cheerful again] Y'know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is to try and keep somebody out.
Shrek: No! Y'think?
Donkey: Are you hidin' something?
Shrek: Never mind, Donkey.
Donkey: Ooooh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
Shrek: No, this is one of those "drop it and leave it alone" things.
Donkey: Why don't you wanna talk about it?
Shrek: [irritated now] Why do you WANT to talk about it?
Donkey: Are you blocking?
Shrek: I'm not blocking!
Donkey: Yes you are.
Shrek: [really getting angry] Donkey, I'm warning you...
Donkey: Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that, Shrek. Who?
Shrek: [loses it] EVERYONE, OKAY?!?
[pause]
Donkey: [grins] Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere!
Shrek: OH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!
Donkey: What exactly is your problem, Shrek? What you got against the world, huh?
Shrek: I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go "Arrrgh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!" [sighs, feeling sad] They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.
[pause]
Donkey: Y'know, when we met, I didn't think you were just a big stupid ugly ogre.
Shrek: Yeah, I know.
Donkey: So... [looks back at the stars] are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's Gabby the Small... and Annoying.
Donkey: Oh yeah, I see him. That big shiny one there, right?
Shrek: That's the moon.
View Quote Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?!
Shrek: It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
Fiona: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying... That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek: [glances at a scorched skeleton] Yeah, right before they burst into flame!