Others quotes

Bob's mother: Is it that time of the month?

Mrs. Trumper: Nurse Hooper may be short, but she's very devoted.

Ute: Fuzzy has just shit all over the carpet!

Garcia: I may be the butler, but I'm not the maid!

Mrs. Trumper: AHHHH! Hooper! Vesta! This is long-term leakage!

Ute: I took this job because I only had to cook and clean for one person and one dog. Then I get the mother, the lover, his kids, their dog! Ms. Fisher, up with this bullshit I will not put! I quit!

Mary Fisher: What is it, exactly, that you do, Mr. Patchett?
Bob Patchett: I'm a financial consultant.
Mary Fisher: Really?! I'm absolutely in awe of men who know how to handle money. I can't even balance my own checkbook.
Bob Patchett: Doesn't your accountant do that for you?
Mary Fisher: Should he?
Bob Patchett: The good ones do.

Bob Patchett: [in awe of Fisher's home] My God, this is fantastic.
Mary Fisher: You should see my electric bill.
Bob Patchett: I'd love to!

[Ruth comes into the bathroom where Bob is showering]
Bob Patchett: [startled] Ruth! What the hell are you doing?! Oh, please, don't start now. My folks will be here soon.
Ruth Patchett: I'm not starting anything, I just wanted to weigh myself.
Bob Patchett: Yeah, no wonder you're upset.

[Ruth comes into the dining room with soup. She takes the lid off of the dish, exposing Andy's pet gerbil, Herbie, lying dead in the meal]
Bob Patchett: Oh my God!
Andy Patchett: Herbie!
Nicolette Patchett: I'm gonna barf!
Bob Patchett: Ruth, what the hell is wrong with you?!
Ruth Patchett: I'll go get a strainer.

Bob Patchett: Ruth, where are you going?!
Ruth Patchett: I don't know, Bob. Into my future, I guess.

Mrs. Trumper: Let me stress one thing above all else. You must report any damp or smelly beds immediately.
Ruth/Vesta Rose: Do you mean...
Mrs. Trumper: INCONTINENCE! Bedwetters have no place in the Golden Twilight home!

Nurse Hooper: I know what you've been doing! The vitamins! The workouts! It's against the rules! I'm going tor report you to Mrs. Trumper and then you'll be sorry!
Ruth/Vesta Rose: I don't think so. I have been sorry my whole life and by the looks of it so have you, so you do whatever you want. It's a shame though, Hooper, I always thought women like us should stick together.

Bob Patchett: Mary, what's wrong?
Mary Fisher: Your son and that mongrel are molesting my poodle.

Ruth/Vesta Rose: [taking notice of novel's author] Mary Fisher... any relation?
Mrs. Fisher: My daughter.
Ruth/Vesta Rose: Oh, how nice!
Mrs. Fisher: She's a slut! Bitch keeps me in this dog pound while she lives the life of princess in her goddamn mansion.
Ruth/Vesta Rose: That doesn't seem fair.
Mrs. Fisher: I ought to drop in on her one day. That'd scare the shit out of her!

Mary Fisher: Oh, don't you look... what's the matter with your clothes?
Nicolette Patchett: You did the laundry.
Mary Fisher: Oh yes, must be something wrong with that machine.

Nicolette Patchett: [looks at food] What is it?
Mary Fisher: It's potage de cresson à la crème.
Andy Patchett: What's that?
Mrs. Fisher: It's French for dog puke.

Mrs. Trumper: She doesn't need nursing. She needs TLC.
Mary Fisher: What is that? A new drug?

Journalist: Are you saying she was promiscuous?
Mrs. Fisher: Promiscuous? She was a teenage tramp! She couldn't get enough. She'd do it anywhere, anytime, and with anyone!

Publicist: What's that in your hair?
Mary Fisher: Oh! It's a Gummy Bear! [eats it]

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