Jackie Moon quotes

Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!

Let's get Tropical!

It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes!

In the anals of history, people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

GOD DAMN IT, VAKIDIS, LEARN ****IN' ENGLISH!

I'm so excited, I can't even...feel my arms!

EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!

(to Monix) I wish you were still a washing machine!

SUCK MY ****, I'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY!

Heaven wants us to win this game! I'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!

EVERYBODY PANIC! IT'S JUST LIKE THE TITANIC, BUT IT'S FULL OF BEARS!

If you see a possum, try to kill it. It's not a pet.

SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY!

[Jackie is lying in a dumpster] Ed Monix: Jackie, what are you eating?
Jackie: I think it's a pancake...
Monix: Oh come on now Jackie, that's been there a while, hasn't it?
Jackie: Probably....

Jackie: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence Coffee Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh, yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

Monix: Vakidis, open the window, will ya?
Vakidis: Yes, right on! (does nothing)
Monix: Vakidis, did you give Bobby Dee a handjob?
Vakidis: Yes, right on!

Dick Pepperfield: Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette, it's very unprofessional.
Lou Redwood: No, I like to smoke when I drink.

Lou Redwood: Jackie Moon is Flint's favorite son. And he has done more for this city than any human being who's ever lived on this planet!
Dick Pepperfield: With the possible exception of, eh, Henry Ford... Jackie Moon has done a lot for this city, you're right about that.

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