School of Rock quotes
35 total quotes
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Dewey: I totally screwed up. I told the kids that if they practiced, they'd get into the Battle of the Bands.
Coordinator: What'd you tell them that for?
Dewey: I don't know, I just...I wanted to give them something to look forward to, to keep their spirits up. Look at them. [he and the Coordinator look at the kids, who are faking sick] They're terminal. Every last one of them. And all they wanted to do before they bit the dust was play Battle of the Bands.
Coordinator: What do they all have?
Dewey: It’s a... rare blood disease. "Stick-it-to-da-man-neosis."
Coordinator: What's that? I've never heard of it.
Dewey: You're lucky. Because it's hell.
Coordinator: What'd you tell them that for?
Dewey: I don't know, I just...I wanted to give them something to look forward to, to keep their spirits up. Look at them. [he and the Coordinator look at the kids, who are faking sick] They're terminal. Every last one of them. And all they wanted to do before they bit the dust was play Battle of the Bands.
Coordinator: What do they all have?
Dewey: It’s a... rare blood disease. "Stick-it-to-da-man-neosis."
Coordinator: What's that? I've never heard of it.
Dewey: You're lucky. Because it's hell.
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Dewey: Look, the first thing you do when you start a rock band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band to be. So who do you like? Blondie?
Marta: Christina Aguilera.
Dewey: Who? No! Come on. What? You, Shortstop.
Leonard: Puff Daddy.
Dewey: Wrong. Billy?
Billy: Liza Minnelli?
Dewey: What are you...? You guys! This project is called "Rock Band". I'm talking about bands that rock. Led Zeppelin. [the class gives him blank stares] Don't tell me you guys have never got the Led out. Jimmy Page, Robert Plant? Ring any bells? What about Sabbath? AC/DC? Motörhead?! OH, WHAT DO THEY TEACH IN THIS PLACE?!
Marta: Christina Aguilera.
Dewey: Who? No! Come on. What? You, Shortstop.
Leonard: Puff Daddy.
Dewey: Wrong. Billy?
Billy: Liza Minnelli?
Dewey: What are you...? You guys! This project is called "Rock Band". I'm talking about bands that rock. Led Zeppelin. [the class gives him blank stares] Don't tell me you guys have never got the Led out. Jimmy Page, Robert Plant? Ring any bells? What about Sabbath? AC/DC? Motörhead?! OH, WHAT DO THEY TEACH IN THIS PLACE?!
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[Dewey starts lying to the parents about what he's been teaching their kids]
Dewey: Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, [clicks tounge] drive safe.
Zack's Father: Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?
Summer's Mother: Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?
Lawrence's Father: [holds up a copy of Yes's "Fragile"] And how is this homework?
Dewey: Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law 'cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...
Zack's Father: You expect us to believe this garbage?
[Dewey looks out in the hallway and sees a cop]
Tomika: Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?
Tomika's Mother: What project?
Lawrence: Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.
Lawrence's Father: Competing?
Summer: It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.
Summer's Mother: Well, what's the project, Summer?
[Dewey sees the cop talking with Patty]
Summer: It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.
Summer's Mother: Oh.
Summer: You might as well tell 'em, Mr. Schneebly.
Dewey: Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... [Ned looks at Dewey as the cop continues talking with Patty] And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? 'Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... [Mullins and another cop get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first cop] Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...
Cop: Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?
Dewey: Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.
Zack's Father: What's going on?
Summer's Mother: What's happening, Officer?
Cop: Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.
Parents: What?
Cop: This man is Ned Schneebly.
Patty: Yeah, he's not even a teacher!
Dewey: You called the cops?!
Ned: [points to Patty] She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.
Patty: You're apologizing to him?!
Ned: Sorry.
Mullins: [to Dewey] Ned... [looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned, is this true? Who are you?
Dewey: My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.
[The parents start murmuring in confusion; Dewey flees]
Dewey: Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, [clicks tounge] drive safe.
Zack's Father: Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?
Summer's Mother: Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?
Lawrence's Father: [holds up a copy of Yes's "Fragile"] And how is this homework?
Dewey: Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law 'cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...
Zack's Father: You expect us to believe this garbage?
[Dewey looks out in the hallway and sees a cop]
Tomika: Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?
Tomika's Mother: What project?
Lawrence: Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.
Lawrence's Father: Competing?
Summer: It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.
Summer's Mother: Well, what's the project, Summer?
[Dewey sees the cop talking with Patty]
Summer: It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.
Summer's Mother: Oh.
Summer: You might as well tell 'em, Mr. Schneebly.
Dewey: Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... [Ned looks at Dewey as the cop continues talking with Patty] And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? 'Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... [Mullins and another cop get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first cop] Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...
Cop: Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?
Dewey: Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.
Zack's Father: What's going on?
Summer's Mother: What's happening, Officer?
Cop: Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.
Parents: What?
Cop: This man is Ned Schneebly.
Patty: Yeah, he's not even a teacher!
Dewey: You called the cops?!
Ned: [points to Patty] She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.
Patty: You're apologizing to him?!
Ned: Sorry.
Mullins: [to Dewey] Ned... [looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned, is this true? Who are you?
Dewey: My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.
[The parents start murmuring in confusion; Dewey flees]
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Dewey: Oh, you wanna learn something?
Summer: Yes, I do.
Dewey: You want me to teach you something? [most of the students nod] Here's a useful lesson for you: give up. Just quit. Because in this life, you can't win. Sure, you can try. [really getting angry] But in the end you're just gonna lose, BIG TIME. Because THE WORLD is run by The Man.
Frankie: Who?
Dewey: The Man. Oh, you don't know The Man? [class shakes their heads] He's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, MISS MULLINS, she's The Man. And The Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! Okay? And there used to be a way to stick it to The Man. It was called rock ‘n’ roll. But guess what. Oh, no. The Man ruined that too with a little thing called MTV! So don’t waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome, because The Man’s just going to call you a fat, washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!!!!
Summer: Yes, I do.
Dewey: You want me to teach you something? [most of the students nod] Here's a useful lesson for you: give up. Just quit. Because in this life, you can't win. Sure, you can try. [really getting angry] But in the end you're just gonna lose, BIG TIME. Because THE WORLD is run by The Man.
Frankie: Who?
Dewey: The Man. Oh, you don't know The Man? [class shakes their heads] He's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, MISS MULLINS, she's The Man. And The Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! Okay? And there used to be a way to stick it to The Man. It was called rock ‘n’ roll. But guess what. Oh, no. The Man ruined that too with a little thing called MTV! So don’t waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome, because The Man’s just going to call you a fat, washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!!!!
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[Dewey is on the phone, trying to sell one of his guitars]
Dewey: Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah, it's a 1968 Gibson SG, mint condish. [pause] No. That's all? Well, that's a mistake. No, Hendrix played this guitar. [the person on the other end hangs up] Hello?!
[Dewey hangs up. The phone rings; Dewey answers it]
Dewey: Yeah?
Mullins: Is this Mr. Schneebly?
Dewey: No, he's not here.
Mullins: Oh, could you take a message for me?
Dewey: Um... Yeah.
Mullins: Hi, my name's Rosalie Mullins. I'm the principal here at Horace Green Prep, and we're having a little emergency here; one of our teachers broke her leg on the way to school this morning, and all of our subs are already working. Pat Wickam at Milton Prep recommended I give Mr. Schneebly a call. Do you know if he's available?
Dewey: Um... How long is the gig?
Mullins: Excuse me?
Dewey: Uh, how long is the job?
Mullins: My guess is as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.
Dewey: Mmm-hmm. So how much are we talkin' here?
Mullins: We pay our substitutes 650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?
Dewey: Hold on a sec... Oh, you know what? I think he's just comin' in right about... Ned, phone! [pretends to pass the phone, then speaks in a deep voice] Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.
Dewey: Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah, it's a 1968 Gibson SG, mint condish. [pause] No. That's all? Well, that's a mistake. No, Hendrix played this guitar. [the person on the other end hangs up] Hello?!
[Dewey hangs up. The phone rings; Dewey answers it]
Dewey: Yeah?
Mullins: Is this Mr. Schneebly?
Dewey: No, he's not here.
Mullins: Oh, could you take a message for me?
Dewey: Um... Yeah.
Mullins: Hi, my name's Rosalie Mullins. I'm the principal here at Horace Green Prep, and we're having a little emergency here; one of our teachers broke her leg on the way to school this morning, and all of our subs are already working. Pat Wickam at Milton Prep recommended I give Mr. Schneebly a call. Do you know if he's available?
Dewey: Um... How long is the gig?
Mullins: Excuse me?
Dewey: Uh, how long is the job?
Mullins: My guess is as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.
Dewey: Mmm-hmm. So how much are we talkin' here?
Mullins: We pay our substitutes 650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?
Dewey: Hold on a sec... Oh, you know what? I think he's just comin' in right about... Ned, phone! [pretends to pass the phone, then speaks in a deep voice] Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.
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Patty: He is a lazy freeloader, and it's time for all this dysfunction to stop.
Ned: Keep it... Can't we just do this later? I mean, you know how he gets in the morning.
Patty: Ned, aren't you tired of letting people push you around?
Ned: Yes. [sighs]
Patty: Then get in there and do it! [Ned refuses, so Patty pulls the curtain aside]
Dewey: [wakes up] What? What is it?
Ned: Dewey, hey, it's the first of the month, and, uh, I would like your share of the rent now, please.
Dewey: Oh, man! You know I don't have it! You wake me up for that? Come on, man! [falls back asleep]
Ned: Sorry. [Patty glares at him fiercely; more sternly] Dewey! I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.
Patty: Yeah, try $2,200!
Dewey: Okay, you guys, the band is about to hit it bigtime. We're gonna win Battle of the Bands, and when I'm rolling in the Benjamins, I will throw you and your dog a bone. Good night.
Patty: Oh, give it up! Your band has never made two cents!
Ned: Patty, come on! I'm on this!
Patty: Oh, you're on this? You're on this? He's walking all over you!
Dewey: Mommy, could we please talk about this later?
Patty: Uh, no, we can't talk about it later because Ned and I have to go to work. We have jobs. We contribute to society, all right? I am an assistant to the mayor of the city. "Hello?!"
Dewey: What?! Can you get her out of here, please? Why?! Why her?!
Patty: And Ned has the most important job there is.
Dewey: Temping?
Ned: Dewey, a substitute teacher is not a temp!
Dewey: He's a babysitter!
Ned: Oh, yeah, you think it's so easy? Well, I'd like to see you try. You wouldn't last one day.
Dewey: Dude, I service society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rockin' ain't no walk in the park, lady!
Patty: All right, this is useless, all right? You tell him that if he doesn't come up with the rent by the end of the week, he's out of here!
Ned: Dewey, I'm not paying your share of the rent, so... I don't know, I mean, maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.
Dewey: What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?
Patty: Oh, my God, he's an idiot! [leaves]
Dewey: Dude, I've been mooching off you for years, and it's never been a problem until she showed up. Just dump her, man!
Ned: Yeah, well, if you don't come up with some money, she's gonna dump me. She's fed up.
Dewey: Really? Because that would be a good thing! She's a nightmare!
Ned: Come on! I may never have another girlfriend! I mean, just come on! Come up with some money, please! Please!
Dewey: Okay, for you. Not for her, man, for you.
Ned: Thank you.
Ned: Keep it... Can't we just do this later? I mean, you know how he gets in the morning.
Patty: Ned, aren't you tired of letting people push you around?
Ned: Yes. [sighs]
Patty: Then get in there and do it! [Ned refuses, so Patty pulls the curtain aside]
Dewey: [wakes up] What? What is it?
Ned: Dewey, hey, it's the first of the month, and, uh, I would like your share of the rent now, please.
Dewey: Oh, man! You know I don't have it! You wake me up for that? Come on, man! [falls back asleep]
Ned: Sorry. [Patty glares at him fiercely; more sternly] Dewey! I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.
Patty: Yeah, try $2,200!
Dewey: Okay, you guys, the band is about to hit it bigtime. We're gonna win Battle of the Bands, and when I'm rolling in the Benjamins, I will throw you and your dog a bone. Good night.
Patty: Oh, give it up! Your band has never made two cents!
Ned: Patty, come on! I'm on this!
Patty: Oh, you're on this? You're on this? He's walking all over you!
Dewey: Mommy, could we please talk about this later?
Patty: Uh, no, we can't talk about it later because Ned and I have to go to work. We have jobs. We contribute to society, all right? I am an assistant to the mayor of the city. "Hello?!"
Dewey: What?! Can you get her out of here, please? Why?! Why her?!
Patty: And Ned has the most important job there is.
Dewey: Temping?
Ned: Dewey, a substitute teacher is not a temp!
Dewey: He's a babysitter!
Ned: Oh, yeah, you think it's so easy? Well, I'd like to see you try. You wouldn't last one day.
Dewey: Dude, I service society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rockin' ain't no walk in the park, lady!
Patty: All right, this is useless, all right? You tell him that if he doesn't come up with the rent by the end of the week, he's out of here!
Ned: Dewey, I'm not paying your share of the rent, so... I don't know, I mean, maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.
Dewey: What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?
Patty: Oh, my God, he's an idiot! [leaves]
Dewey: Dude, I've been mooching off you for years, and it's never been a problem until she showed up. Just dump her, man!
Ned: Yeah, well, if you don't come up with some money, she's gonna dump me. She's fed up.
Dewey: Really? Because that would be a good thing! She's a nightmare!
Ned: Come on! I may never have another girlfriend! I mean, just come on! Come up with some money, please! Please!
Dewey: Okay, for you. Not for her, man, for you.
Ned: Thank you.
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Dewey: Now, listen, normal kids would have been stoked to slack off, but not you guys, because you're not normal, you're special. And because I think you guys have the right attitude, I think it's time we started our new class project.
Lawrence: A science project?
Dewey: No. It's called... "Rock Band".
Marta: Is this a school project?
Dewey: Yes. And it's a requirement. And it may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test your head [points to his head], and your mind [points to his jaw], and your brain too [points to his forehead].
Summer: Will other schools be competing?
Dewey: You could say that. You could say that every school in the state will be competing for the top prize.
Billy: What's the prize?
Dewey: A win will go on your permanent record. Hello Harvard, Yo?
Lawrence: A science project?
Dewey: No. It's called... "Rock Band".
Marta: Is this a school project?
Dewey: Yes. And it's a requirement. And it may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test your head [points to his head], and your mind [points to his jaw], and your brain too [points to his forehead].
Summer: Will other schools be competing?
Dewey: You could say that. You could say that every school in the state will be competing for the top prize.
Billy: What's the prize?
Dewey: A win will go on your permanent record. Hello Harvard, Yo?
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Freddy: What are we gonna play?
Dewey: Uh, you don't have to worry about that. We have awesome material, which I wrote.
Zack: Let's hear it.
Dewey: What?
Zack: Let's hear your song.
Dewey: I'll play you my song, if you wanna hear it. Thing is, I just want you to keep in mind that...I wrote it in like, 15 minutes, and uh, it's not done yet, and you might not like it-
Freddy: Just play the song, Schneebly!
Dewey: Okay! I will sing it for you, just, uh, let me get in the zone, I wasn't planning on unveiling it, but I will sing it. Teeth of the tongue, and the lips. [performs vocal exercise] Okay, it starts off...a dark stage, and then a beam of light. and then you can see me and my guitar. [imitating his guitar] Dew-neew-dew-neew... " In the end of time, there was a man who knew the road, and the writing was written on the stone." And then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles. Roadies, that means dry ice, we're gonna talk about this later. "In the ancient time, an artist led the way, but no-one seemed to understand." Chimes, Freddy. "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, and the legend of the rent was way past due!" And, Katie, you come in with the bass! [imitating the bass] Rim-bim-bim-bim-bim-beru-beru-bum-bara-bara-bara-bum-bum-bum! "Well, you think you'll be just fine without me, but you're mine! You think that you can kick me out of the band?" And then, Zack, you come in with a face-melter. [imitates the guitar] Rew-new-new-didli-new-didli-new-didli-new! Okay? "Well, there's just one problem there, the band is MINE! How can you kick me out [high pitched] of what is mine?" And then, sh- "Hawaii Five-O". You see that show? Okay. Well, there's a drum solo in it, that goes...shugadugadugaduga! "You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore" And then, that's where I want the backup singers to be all like, "No, you're not hardcore. [high pitched] No, you're not hardcore! [reverts to normal singing voice] Unless you live hardcore. [imitating backup singers] Unless you live hardcore! [back to his own voice] But the legend of the rent, was way hardcore! BOOM! Big old explosion, some, like, confetti comes down. Anyway, that's all I got so far, it's a work in progress.
Summer: I liked it, Mr. Schneebly. I thought it was really catchy.
Dewey: Thank you.
Dewey: Uh, you don't have to worry about that. We have awesome material, which I wrote.
Zack: Let's hear it.
Dewey: What?
Zack: Let's hear your song.
Dewey: I'll play you my song, if you wanna hear it. Thing is, I just want you to keep in mind that...I wrote it in like, 15 minutes, and uh, it's not done yet, and you might not like it-
Freddy: Just play the song, Schneebly!
Dewey: Okay! I will sing it for you, just, uh, let me get in the zone, I wasn't planning on unveiling it, but I will sing it. Teeth of the tongue, and the lips. [performs vocal exercise] Okay, it starts off...a dark stage, and then a beam of light. and then you can see me and my guitar. [imitating his guitar] Dew-neew-dew-neew... " In the end of time, there was a man who knew the road, and the writing was written on the stone." And then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles. Roadies, that means dry ice, we're gonna talk about this later. "In the ancient time, an artist led the way, but no-one seemed to understand." Chimes, Freddy. "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, and the legend of the rent was way past due!" And, Katie, you come in with the bass! [imitating the bass] Rim-bim-bim-bim-bim-beru-beru-bum-bara-bara-bara-bum-bum-bum! "Well, you think you'll be just fine without me, but you're mine! You think that you can kick me out of the band?" And then, Zack, you come in with a face-melter. [imitates the guitar] Rew-new-new-didli-new-didli-new-didli-new! Okay? "Well, there's just one problem there, the band is MINE! How can you kick me out [high pitched] of what is mine?" And then, sh- "Hawaii Five-O". You see that show? Okay. Well, there's a drum solo in it, that goes...shugadugadugaduga! "You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore" And then, that's where I want the backup singers to be all like, "No, you're not hardcore. [high pitched] No, you're not hardcore! [reverts to normal singing voice] Unless you live hardcore. [imitating backup singers] Unless you live hardcore! [back to his own voice] But the legend of the rent, was way hardcore! BOOM! Big old explosion, some, like, confetti comes down. Anyway, that's all I got so far, it's a work in progress.
Summer: I liked it, Mr. Schneebly. I thought it was really catchy.
Dewey: Thank you.
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Gabe: We were just discussing testing. Which test do you find most effective, the TAAS or the Wilson-Binet?
Dewey: I say no testing, and I will tell you why, Joe.
Gabe: Gabe.
Dewey: Gabe. I believe... that the children are the future. Now listen, you can teach them well, but buddy, you have got to let them lead the way. Let the children's laughter...just remind us of how we used to be. That's what I decided long ago.
Bob: [realizes what Dewey just said are some of the lyrics to the song "The Greatest Love of All"] Isn't that a song?
Dewey: No, uh, I don't think so. No, no it isn't.
Bob: No? Are you sure?
Dewey: Mmm-mmm.
Dewey: I say no testing, and I will tell you why, Joe.
Gabe: Gabe.
Dewey: Gabe. I believe... that the children are the future. Now listen, you can teach them well, but buddy, you have got to let them lead the way. Let the children's laughter...just remind us of how we used to be. That's what I decided long ago.
Bob: [realizes what Dewey just said are some of the lyrics to the song "The Greatest Love of All"] Isn't that a song?
Dewey: No, uh, I don't think so. No, no it isn't.
Bob: No? Are you sure?
Dewey: Mmm-mmm.
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[Ned and Patty arrive home and see Dewey sulking at the table]
Patty: I have nothing to say to you.
Ned: Me neither.
Dewey: Okay, I'm goin' to bed.
Patty: You know, Dewey, it's one thing to throw your life away, but then to put Ned's career in jeopardy is so selfish!
Dewey: Hey! You're the one who told me to be like Ned and get a job.
Patty: Yeah, yeah, I told you to be like Ned, Dewey! I didn't tell you to be Ned! And you're not even gonna apologize?
Dewey: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING THE COPS! It's not like I murdered anybody! I just wanted to play a great show! I was this close!
Ned: SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Would you both just cut it out for one second?!
[Patty mutters something under her breath, then leaves]
Dewey: Look, I'm sorry, dude. I was desperate. You can't understand. It was easy for you to give up music. It ain't easy for me.
Ned: It wasn't easy for me. I miss it.
Dewey: Well, then why'd you give it up?
Ned: 'Cause I couldn't keep kidding myself anymore. You can blame it all on bad luck, but in the end, maybe we just weren't that good. Sometimes, you gotta know when to quit.
Dewey: Maybe you're right, maybe I suck.
Ned: That's not what I said.
Dewey: Well, music is my life, man. What do you want me to do?
Ned: I don't know, but... I think it's time you moved out. Sorry.
Patty: I have nothing to say to you.
Ned: Me neither.
Dewey: Okay, I'm goin' to bed.
Patty: You know, Dewey, it's one thing to throw your life away, but then to put Ned's career in jeopardy is so selfish!
Dewey: Hey! You're the one who told me to be like Ned and get a job.
Patty: Yeah, yeah, I told you to be like Ned, Dewey! I didn't tell you to be Ned! And you're not even gonna apologize?
Dewey: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING THE COPS! It's not like I murdered anybody! I just wanted to play a great show! I was this close!
Ned: SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Would you both just cut it out for one second?!
[Patty mutters something under her breath, then leaves]
Dewey: Look, I'm sorry, dude. I was desperate. You can't understand. It was easy for you to give up music. It ain't easy for me.
Ned: It wasn't easy for me. I miss it.
Dewey: Well, then why'd you give it up?
Ned: 'Cause I couldn't keep kidding myself anymore. You can blame it all on bad luck, but in the end, maybe we just weren't that good. Sometimes, you gotta know when to quit.
Dewey: Maybe you're right, maybe I suck.
Ned: That's not what I said.
Dewey: Well, music is my life, man. What do you want me to do?
Ned: I don't know, but... I think it's time you moved out. Sorry.
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Tomika: Mr. S, I don't think I can sing.
Dewey: What're you talkin' about? C'mere.
Dewey: Listen, Tomika, what's going on? What do you mean, you can't sing?
Tomika: I don't feel good. I feel sick. Just let Alicia and Marta do it.
Dewey: No! They can't sing like you can, I need you in the chorus! What is it, are you nervous?
[Tomika nods]
Dewey: Yeah? Why? What are you afraid of?
Tomika: They're gonna laugh at me.
Dewey: What? Why would they laugh at you?
Tomika: I dunno. 'Cause I'm fat?
Dewey: Tomika... Hey, you've got something everybody wants: You've got talent, girl! You have an incredible singing voice, and I'm not just saying that. You've heard of Aretha Franklin, right? Okay, she's a big lady. But when she starts singing, she blows people's minds! Everybody wants to party with Aretha! And, uh, you know who else has a weight issue?
Tomika: Who?
Dewey: Me. But once I get up on stage and start rockin', people worship me! Because I'm sexy! And chubby, man.
Tomika: Why aren't you on a diet?
Dewey: Because I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Look, you know what? That's not even the point. The thing is, you're a rock star now. All you gotta do is just go out there and rock your heart out. People are gonna dig you, I swear. Let's go out there and show 'em what we got, what do you say?
Dewey: What're you talkin' about? C'mere.
Dewey: Listen, Tomika, what's going on? What do you mean, you can't sing?
Tomika: I don't feel good. I feel sick. Just let Alicia and Marta do it.
Dewey: No! They can't sing like you can, I need you in the chorus! What is it, are you nervous?
[Tomika nods]
Dewey: Yeah? Why? What are you afraid of?
Tomika: They're gonna laugh at me.
Dewey: What? Why would they laugh at you?
Tomika: I dunno. 'Cause I'm fat?
Dewey: Tomika... Hey, you've got something everybody wants: You've got talent, girl! You have an incredible singing voice, and I'm not just saying that. You've heard of Aretha Franklin, right? Okay, she's a big lady. But when she starts singing, she blows people's minds! Everybody wants to party with Aretha! And, uh, you know who else has a weight issue?
Tomika: Who?
Dewey: Me. But once I get up on stage and start rockin', people worship me! Because I'm sexy! And chubby, man.
Tomika: Why aren't you on a diet?
Dewey: Because I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Look, you know what? That's not even the point. The thing is, you're a rock star now. All you gotta do is just go out there and rock your heart out. People are gonna dig you, I swear. Let's go out there and show 'em what we got, what do you say?
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Ned: [as he opens his mail] What are you all dressed up for?
Dewey: Uh, I got a hot date.
Ned: That's weird. I got a check from Horace Green Prep for $1,200. I've never even worked there. [picks up the phone and starts dialing Horace Green]
Dewey: What are you doing?
Ned: Calling the school. [speaks into phone] Hi, this is Ned Schneebly. Um... [Dewey breaks the call; Ned eyes him suspiciously] Dewey? What's going on?
Dewey: I told them 15 times, make it out to cash!
Ned: [hangs up the phone] Dewey?
Dewey: I did something bad, Ned.
Ned: No...
Dewey: Yeah. They called, looking for a sub, and I said I was you, just to make some money. But then I got there, and the kids--they rock, man! There's this kid, Larry, who's like, "I'm not cool," but now he's like... [scatting] And there's this other girl who can sing like... [humming] But then she thought she was too fat to sing, so they were all dying of this rare blood disease, and then the principal got drunk. And now, we're playing tomorrow at Battle of the Bands! Isn't that great? It's the coolest thing that ever happened! One day, that's all I ask, Ned. And then I will come clean. I'll tell everyone it was my fault, you had nothing to do with it, you'll be fine, one day!
Patty: [walks in] Ned, home.
Dewey: [lowers his voice] Don't say anything to her. Please? She'll blow it. She'll blow everything. Please?
Patty: [walks into the room; looks at Dewey and Ned suspiciously] Hey. What's going on?
Dewey: [casually] Nothing. I got a hot date, that's what's going on. [mouths and makes gestures at Ned to keep quiet] See you later. [leaves]
Patty: What's going on, Ned?
Ned: [grins sheepishly] Nothing.
Patty: Nothing? Well...
Dewey: Uh, I got a hot date.
Ned: That's weird. I got a check from Horace Green Prep for $1,200. I've never even worked there. [picks up the phone and starts dialing Horace Green]
Dewey: What are you doing?
Ned: Calling the school. [speaks into phone] Hi, this is Ned Schneebly. Um... [Dewey breaks the call; Ned eyes him suspiciously] Dewey? What's going on?
Dewey: I told them 15 times, make it out to cash!
Ned: [hangs up the phone] Dewey?
Dewey: I did something bad, Ned.
Ned: No...
Dewey: Yeah. They called, looking for a sub, and I said I was you, just to make some money. But then I got there, and the kids--they rock, man! There's this kid, Larry, who's like, "I'm not cool," but now he's like... [scatting] And there's this other girl who can sing like... [humming] But then she thought she was too fat to sing, so they were all dying of this rare blood disease, and then the principal got drunk. And now, we're playing tomorrow at Battle of the Bands! Isn't that great? It's the coolest thing that ever happened! One day, that's all I ask, Ned. And then I will come clean. I'll tell everyone it was my fault, you had nothing to do with it, you'll be fine, one day!
Patty: [walks in] Ned, home.
Dewey: [lowers his voice] Don't say anything to her. Please? She'll blow it. She'll blow everything. Please?
Patty: [walks into the room; looks at Dewey and Ned suspiciously] Hey. What's going on?
Dewey: [casually] Nothing. I got a hot date, that's what's going on. [mouths and makes gestures at Ned to keep quiet] See you later. [leaves]
Patty: What's going on, Ned?
Ned: [grins sheepishly] Nothing.
Patty: Nothing? Well...
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[Billy has just showed off his completed stage outfits for Katie and Freddy]
Dewey: I dunno... They might be a little distracting...
Billy: It's glitter-rock, and it's glam, and it's fabulous!
Dewey: Billy, it's just not the right style.
Billy: Style? You're gonna talk to me about style? You can't even dress yourself! Look at that bow tie!
Dewey: Don't you be talkin' about my bow tie!
Billy: You know what? I give up, they can just wear their uniforms.
Dewey: That's not a bad idea...
Dewey: I dunno... They might be a little distracting...
Billy: It's glitter-rock, and it's glam, and it's fabulous!
Dewey: Billy, it's just not the right style.
Billy: Style? You're gonna talk to me about style? You can't even dress yourself! Look at that bow tie!
Dewey: Don't you be talkin' about my bow tie!
Billy: You know what? I give up, they can just wear their uniforms.
Dewey: That's not a bad idea...
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Dewey: [to the class on his first day] OK, Teach. Teach. Teach. Alright, look, here’s the deal. I’ve got a hangover. Who knows what that means?
Frankie: Doesn't that mean you’re drunk?
Dewey: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.
Dewey: Wrong.
Freddy: You wouldn't come to work unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!
Dewey: Mmm-hmm. What's your name?
Freddy: Freddy Jones.
Dewey: Mmm, Freddy Jones, shut up!
Frankie: Doesn't that mean you’re drunk?
Dewey: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.
Dewey: Wrong.
Freddy: You wouldn't come to work unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!
Dewey: Mmm-hmm. What's your name?
Freddy: Freddy Jones.
Dewey: Mmm, Freddy Jones, shut up!
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[The kids have arrived to find No Vacancy, Dewey's old band, on stage]
Dewey: Guys, you don't have to listen to those hacks! Come on, band meeting, right now, gather round. Alright. Frankie, how's security?
Frankie: We're set.
Dewey: Gordon, what about the lights?
Gordon: The light board's up in the balcony. I'll patch it up there.
Dewey: Alright. Okay, now, Billy, how's beautification?
Billy: Are you kidding?
Dewey: Okay, listen up, you guys, we only have one song to let these guys know who we are...so I think we should play Zack's.
Zack: But why? I mean...really?
Dewey: Yes! The thing is, you guys, I ain't that good. I'm not, I can admit it, but, dude, you're ten years old, you're already better than me, your song rocks harder, so let's play it! But hey, you know what? That's just one guy's opinion. This ain't my band, it's our band, we all have a say.
Summer: We haven't practiced that one as much. I mean, we might not win.
Dewey: Hey. We didn't come here to win, we came to play one great show. And on Zack's song, you guys really rock. You know my vote, who else is with me?
(He lowers his hand into the middle of the circle, and the kids place theirs atop it)
Dewey: Alright, let's pray. God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick butt. We are your humble servants, please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name, we pray. Amen.
All: Amen.
Dewey: Now let's get out there and MELT SOME FACES!
All: Yeah!
Dewey: Guys, you don't have to listen to those hacks! Come on, band meeting, right now, gather round. Alright. Frankie, how's security?
Frankie: We're set.
Dewey: Gordon, what about the lights?
Gordon: The light board's up in the balcony. I'll patch it up there.
Dewey: Alright. Okay, now, Billy, how's beautification?
Billy: Are you kidding?
Dewey: Okay, listen up, you guys, we only have one song to let these guys know who we are...so I think we should play Zack's.
Zack: But why? I mean...really?
Dewey: Yes! The thing is, you guys, I ain't that good. I'm not, I can admit it, but, dude, you're ten years old, you're already better than me, your song rocks harder, so let's play it! But hey, you know what? That's just one guy's opinion. This ain't my band, it's our band, we all have a say.
Summer: We haven't practiced that one as much. I mean, we might not win.
Dewey: Hey. We didn't come here to win, we came to play one great show. And on Zack's song, you guys really rock. You know my vote, who else is with me?
(He lowers his hand into the middle of the circle, and the kids place theirs atop it)
Dewey: Alright, let's pray. God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick butt. We are your humble servants, please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name, we pray. Amen.
All: Amen.
Dewey: Now let's get out there and MELT SOME FACES!
All: Yeah!