...I knew for sure when they went skinny-dipping in Mr. Blume's pool while giving eachother handjobs...

Bert Fischer: [to Herman] Are you fond of that moustache?

Magnus Buchan: I always wanted to be in one of your fuckin' plays.

Mr. Littlejeans: Best play ever, man.

Architect: Mr. Blume, how are Ronny and Donny enjoying military school?
Herman Blume: They love it.
Magnus Buchan: Lucky bastards.

Bert Fischer: You're like one of those clipper ship captains. You're married to the sea.
Max Fischer: Yes, that's true. [pause] But I've been out to sea for a long time.

Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We're putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation.
Max Fischer: And what does that entail?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.
Max Fischer: In other words, I'll be expelled.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: That's correct.
Max Fischer: Can I see some documentation on that, please?
[Guggenheim hands him his transcript]
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying.
Max Fischer: Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it...
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: - We don't offer a post-graduate year.
Max Fischer: Well, we don't offer it yet.

Dr. Peter Flynn: [To Rosemary] I didn't know we were going to dinner.
Max Fischer: Well, that's because you weren't invited.

Dr. Peter Flynn: I understand you're a neurosurgeon.
Bert Fischer: No, I'm a barber, but a lot of people make that mistake.

Ernie: What kind of fish?
Max Fischer: Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi...
Herman Blume: Piranhas? Really?
Max Fischer: Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.

Herman Blume: Come work for me.
Max Fischer: What do you mean?
Herman Blume: I mean I-I could use someone like you.
Max Fischer: Look, I may not be rich, Mr. Blume, my father may only be a neurosurgeon, but we manage.

Herman Blume: Dirk?
Dirk: I know about you and the teacher.
Herman Blume: Does Max know?
Dirk: No, and I don't want him to know, ever. I just want it to stop right now. You're a married man, Blume. You're supposed to be his friend.
Herman Blume: Look Dirk, I am his friend.
Dirk: Oh yeah, and with friends like you who needs friends? (spits on Herman's car)

Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore.
Max Fischer: I know. She was mine too.

Herman Blume: So you've changed your mind and you want the job.
Max Fischer: No, I've got an idea and I need some money.

Herman Blume: What's the secret, Max?
Max Fischer: The secret?
Herman Blume: Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out.
Max Fischer: The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore.