Risky Business quotes

View Quote Jackie: Joel, be a courageous person. Open the door! That way, you see, I can call a cab.
Joel: Again, I'm really sorry.
Jackie: As long as we come to an arrangement, I'm in no mood for complaining. I mean, when you put your good money down you gotta get what you wanted in the first place. Know what I mean? When you buy a TV, you don't buy Sony if you want RCA. I know we could get along real well. But, hey! It's your hard-earned money, right? This way, we make an arrangement and everyone is satisfied.
Joel: You had carfare.
Jackie: A long ride. I don't ever come out this far.
Joel: And your time.
Jackie: My time, my effort, my infinite patience and understanding.
Joel: Thank you.
Jackie: 75 dollars.
Joel: Fair enough.
Jackie: Joel, I'm going to give you a number. You ask for Lana. It's what you want.
Joel: Thank you.
Jackie: It's what every white boy off the lake wants.

View Quote Bill Rutherford: You've done some very solid work here, but it isn't quite lvy League, is it?
Joel: You know, Bill, there's one thing I learned in all my years. Sometimes you have to say "What the ****." Make your move.
Bill Rutherford: I beg your pardon?
Lana: So, how are we doing?
Joel: Looks like University of Illinois!

View Quote Joel's Father: Do you have something to tell me?
Joel: No...I don't think so.
Joel's Father: I just got off the telephone with Bill Rutherford. Apparently, you two had quite a meeting. "Princeton can use a guy like Joel."
Joel: What?
Joel's Father: "Princeton can use a guy like Joel." His exact words!
Joel: That's unbelievable!
Joel's Father: You're as good as in! I knew you could do it! Haven't I been telling you, sometimes you have to say: "What the heck!" Take some chances.
Joel: You were so right.
Joel's Father: You've made me very proud.

View Quote Joel's Mother: Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.

View Quote Porsche Service Manager: Who's the U-Boat Commander?

View Quote Joel: Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles: **** you.

View Quote Barry: Are you stoned?
Joel: No. I do not believe so.
Barry: I think you're really wasted!
Joel: This is not wasted, Barry. This is definitely not wasted...Barry? I'm a little wasted!
Barry: I know.
Joel: Don't let me do anything stupid.
Barry: Don't worry.

View Quote Guido: [on the phone] Time of your life, huh, kid?
Joel: Where's Lana?
Guido: Maybe she's on the choo-choo. I hear she's got this thing about choo-choos.
Joel: I want to know who took my stuff.
Guido: I took your stuff, Joel, are you kidding?
Joel: Then you listen to me, buster! You a-hole! If I don't get my stuff back... [Guido hangs up] Shit!
[Joel calls back]
Guido: A-hole?
Joel: I want my furniture back right now.
Guido: Now, you listen to me.
Joel: No, no! You listen to me! [Guido hangs up] Shit!
[Joel calls back]
Guido: This is getting boring.
Joel: Can I have my furniture back? Please?
Guido: You listen to me, you little ****! You not only took my two best girls, you call me names and insult me!
Joel: I'm sorry.
Guido: If I had any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it would be your legs! Your arms! Your head! Do we understand each other?
Joel: Yes, we do.
Guido: No! Do we understand each other?
Joel: Yes, we understand each other.
Guido: Well, you're lucky in one respect.
Joel: What's that?
Guido: I like you, Joel. Don't you know that?

View Quote [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.

View Quote Lock the door when you leave, Glenn. If you read me, grunt twice!

View Quote [about Lana] It was great the way her mind worked: No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialties. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification. What a capitalist! She told me I could make more money in one night than I'd make all year. Enough to pay for my father's car. She told me she'd be my girlfriend. She told me a lot of things. I believed them all. So, she introduced me to her friends. I introduced her to my friends.

View Quote You know what he said afterwards? He said the lady had knowledge. He was glad to get the knowledge. Do you know why? Because college women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.

View Quote All I'm saying is... walk like a man.

View Quote It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

View Quote The evening worked out well. We had a good cash flow. Rutherford made a few new friends. He said he'd do his best for me. Finally, it was time to close shop. The girls were exhausted. Lana was hungry. She wanted to go out for a bite. She wanted to make love on a real train. Who was I to say no?