Risky Business quotes

View Quote My name is Joel Goodsen. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh, kid?

View Quote Joel's Mother: Just use your best judgement. We trust you.

View Quote Lana: Are you ready for me... Ralph?

View Quote Lana: Let's make love on a real train.

View Quote Guido: Joel, you look like a smart kid. I'm going to tell you something I'm sure you'll understand. You're having fun now, right? Right, Joel? The time of your life. In a sluggish economy, never ever **** with another man's livelihood. Now, if you're smart, and I hope you are, you're not gonna make me come back here.

View Quote Guido: Hey Joel! Here's to your future as a businessman. 'Cause God knows, you're gonna need it.

View Quote Miles: What happened?
Joel: Last night?
Miles: That's right, with Kessler.
Joel: She was babysitting down the street.
Miles: We know that.
Joel: So, I went over there. She was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing. All of her clothes were drying upstairs.
Miles: '[laughing] It could happen.
Joel: So she plops down on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says "I think I'm in the mood."
Barry: She said that? What did you say?
Joel: I didn't have to say anything.
Barry: What did you do?
Joel: What do you think I did?
Glenn: I think you got the hell out of there...ran home, and whacked off.
[Everyone laughs]
Joel: With Kessler just lying there, just wanting me??
Miles: I disagree.
Joel: Thanks.
Miles: Did you have your bike?
Joel: Yeah.
Miles: I think you got on your bike, pedaled home...and whacked off.
[Everyone laughs]

View Quote Miles: No guts, Goodson.
Joel: The problem was I just wasn't attracted to her.
Miles: That should never stop you.
Joel: She seemed too big.
Miles: It could've worked out.
Joel: I thought I'd get into trouble.
Miles: Sometimes you have to say, "What the ****!" Make your move!
Joel: That's easy for you to say. You're all set. You're probably going to Harvard. Me, I don't want to make a mistake, jeopardize my future!
Miles: Joel, let me tell you something. Every now and then, say "What the ****." "What the ****" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future... So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Joel: Yeah.
Miles: What the ****...If you can't say it, you can't do it.

View Quote Joel's Father: Joel, do you hear something odd? Something unpleasant?
Joel: No.
Joel's Father: A preponderance of bass, perhaps?
Joel: No.
Joel's Father: Is this the way I left the equalizer?
Joel: No.
Joel's Father: This is not a toy for you and your friends. If you can't use it properly, you're not to use it at all. My house, my rules.

View Quote Glenn: My cousin went into dermatology. First year, over 80 grand!
Barry: Just for squeezing zits?
Glenn: Why don't you try it, Barry? You have the experience.
Barry: Thank you, you're very kind.

View Quote Joel: Listen, you guys. Doesn't anyone want to accomplish anything? Or do we just want to make money?
Barry: Make money.
Girl: Just make money.
Glenn: Make a lot of money.
Barry: What about you, Joel?
Joel: Serve my fellow mankind.

View Quote Barry: I can't believe Glenn bringing Statwiler over like that.
Joel: Why?
Barry: Because he boffed Hendricks last week!
Joel: He did?
Barry: Yes! And after the game on Saturday, he ****ed her.
Joel: Barry?
Barry: What?
Joel: Boffing and ****ing are the same thing.
Barry: They are?
Joel: [laughing] Yes. What did you think it was?
Barry: I thought it was something else. You're sure on this?
Joel: I'm positive.
Barry: Shit!

View Quote Barry: [about some girls walking by] Sublime breasts.
Joel: [laughing] They're what kind of breasts?
Barry: Sublime breasts!

View Quote Miles: Okay. Good. You've done the old man's car bit. That's a good start. Now, try this on for size. [reading from the personals] "The Leather Castle. Chicago's finest dominants and submissives. Fully equipped dungeons. Beginners welcome."
Joel: It sounds great, Miles.
Miles: Here's one! "My daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place? Call Misty." Come on, Joel. You've got to take advantage of this! They come to your house! "Countess Angelique seeks young submissive with large ankles!" This is it! "For a good time in the privacy of your own home, call Jackie: 555-1247." Succinct, to the point, down to business. What do you say?
Joel: If you want to call, call for yourself.
Miles: A good time, Joel! In the privacy of your own home! What else can you ask for?
Joel: I'll make my own calls, thank you.
Miles: Then...call!
Joel: Forget it!
Miles: All right! I'm calling.
Joel: You're calling?
Miles: Someday you'll thank me for this.
Joel: You'd better not mention me.
Miles: It's her answering machine. Hi, Jackie, this is Joel Goodson, 525 Remson, Glencoe. I'd like a good time in my home tonight. Bye!
Joel: That was really cute. Now, give me the number so I can call her back.
Miles: Number? There's no number?
Joel: Give me the number, damn it!
Miles: I'm telling you, [eats the paper] there's no number.
Joel: You're an asshole!
Miles: Gotta go. Catch you later.
Joel: Shithead!

View Quote Lana: This is a beautiful place, Ralph. Is it all yours?
Joel: It's my folks', actually.
Lana: Do you know what it's worth?
Joel: A lot, probably.
Lana: Oh, yeah! Real estate? It's fabulous!
Joel: Look, Lana... uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.
Lana: Mmmm. I'll be needing 300 bucks...Joel.
Joel: You're kidding.
Lana: No, I don't believe that I am.
Joel: Can I send it to you?
Lana: Can you send it to me, Joel?
Joel: Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.
Lana: How much do you have?
Joel: I have 50 dollars.
Lana: 50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?
Joel: I don't know.
[pauses]
Joel: I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.
Lana: I'm not good at waiting for people.
Joel: I'll be quick.
Lana: Give it a try.