Charlane McGregor: Why don't you get a job at the Burgerama? They'll hire you! My Lord, I saw on the TV, they had this little retarded boy working the register.
Lelaina: Because I'm not retarded, Mom. I was the valedictorian of my university!
Wes McGregor: Well you dont have to put that on your application.

Lelaina: Quick, Vicky, whats your social security?
Vicky: Uhm... 851-25-9357.
Troy: Very impressive.
Vicky: Thats the only thing I really learned in college... Sometimes I get that not so fresh feeling.

Lelaina: Well, I know this sounds cornball but I'd like to somehow make a difference in people's lives.
Troy: And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke.

Troy: So what do you say, Lelaina?
Lelaina: I'm not a valedictorian but I play one on tv.
Troy: We all know you slept your way to the podium.

Troy: Well, should I get married, should I be good, should I astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and my faustushood and not take her to movies but to cemeteries and tell her stories of werewolf tongues and forked clarinets... What 'Hey, That's My Bike' would like to do as a band is travel the countryside like Woody Guthrie.
Sammy: Or Richard Simmons. You know, how in his commercials he surprises people jogging...
Troy: As you can see, I have the occasional run-in with an anti-Hey-That's-My Biker and to those people I say nobody... nobody can eat 50 eggs.

Vicky: My favorite part about graduating now will be dodging my student loan officer for the rest of my life. He will be in cahoots with the Columbia Record and Tape Company guy... been after my ass for years.

[after coming out to his mother] I wanna be miserable and happy and all that. I wanna be let back into the house.

Are employee snacks subsidized?

Don't you ever wish you were a lesbian?

Evian is naive spelled backwards.

He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.

Hey! I'm a non-practicing virgin

I am not in this to make the world a better place.

I have work around here, and unfortunately Troy, you are a master at the art of time suckage.

I truly believe that if we can get two women on the supreme court, we can get at least one on you.