(Talking about the coin he used to flip at the Super Bowl) You know what this is...its actually a commemerative coin.

Kimberly Pear : Dad, I'm prairie dogging back here!
Randy Pear : Well, what the hell does that mean?
Jason Pear : You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
Randy Pear : Oh. [Five seconds later]
Randy Pear : Ohh, god, I do not wanna picture that!

Randy Pear : You're playing Hitler's harmonica!
Jason Pear : Well, you're driving his car.
Randy Pear : Yeah, but I'm not touching it with my mouth! I'm not suckin' on the dashboard! I'm not getting his germs!

Squirrel Lady: I wasn't talkin' to you, was I? I was talkin' to Vera!

Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry?
Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked.
Vicki: So far so good.
Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails, and you shave my buttocks.

[A hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill.]
Nick Schaffer: Wait - what's this $110?
Employee: Oh, those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer: Oh, I didn't watch any movies.
Employee: Let's see..."Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: "Afro Whores"?
Employee: It says you watched it... 11 times.
Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch that.
Employee: 2:00 "Afro Whores", 3:30 "Afro Whores", 5:00 "Afro Whores"... It says in the morning you watched "The Grinch" for ten minutes, then switched back over to "Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk: This is not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer: It... It's a delete.
Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?
Nick Schaffer: None! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters...”
Nick Schaffer: [screaming] I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! I didn't.
'[hotel clerk raises her eyebrows]

[Sinclair has told the teams repeatedly to "go", to no avail.]
Merrill : So, when you say "go", you mean, just go?
Donald Sinclair: Uh, begin, commence, start moving... theoretically you have been racing for about forty seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door.

And, they're off!

Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car!

Hey look! A drifter! Let's kill him!

Honey, wake up! Third Reich's here! You wanna have a good life, right? Okay, let's see. SS in the parking lot! Not good! Not good!

I am getting goose pimples.

I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!! I do NOT work for the bus company! All right?! I... I needed a ride to New Mexico, so I stole this uniform! See this jacket? This is not my jacket! Remember Marty, the bus driver? Huh?! This is his shirt! I stole it! And these pants, you think I'd WEAR these pants?! These aren't my pants! These are Marty's pants! I stole them! I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!!!

I can do anything I want, Owen. I'm eccentric. Rrrow.

I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!