Producers, The (1968) quotes

View Quote Hold me, Touch me: Oh, hold me! Touch me!
Max: Thursday! Thursday!

View Quote Hold me, Touch me: [locking the door to Max's office] Let's fool around.

View Quote Hold me, Touch me: Hold me! Touch me!
Max: [pulling her into his office] Not in the hall!

View Quote Max: Ulla! Go get car!
Ulla: Ja, ja! We go to motel?
Max: No. I go with Mr. Bloom.
Ulla: You and Mr. Bloom go to motel?
Max: No! No Motel! Get Car! Get Car!
Ulla: Get car!

View Quote Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison... HEEELLP!

View Quote Max: Roger, did you have a chance to read "Springtime for Hitler?"
Roger De Bris: [emerges from behind a partition wearing a dress] Remarkable, remarkable! A stunning piece of work.
Leo: [under his breath] Max... he's wearing a dress.
Max: No kidding.
Roger De Bris: Did you know, I never knew that the Third Reich meant Germany. I mean it's just drenched with historical goodies like that... Oh dear, you're staring at my dress. I should explain. We are going to the choreographer's ball tonight and there's a prize for the best costume.
Carmen Ghia: And we always win!
Roger De Bris: I don't know about tonight. I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie. What do you think, Mr. Bloom?
Leo: Where do you keep your wallet?

View Quote How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?

View Quote [Searching for the sure-fire flop] "Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant ****roach." Nah, it's too good.

View Quote I used to have thousands of investors wanting to put their money in a Max Bialystock production! These are my investors now! [shows pictures of little old women] Little old women who want one last thrill of life of their way to the cemetery.

View Quote Gentlemen. Ve have here a technical problem. Hmm? I do not know if vat ve have here is ze quick fuse or ze slow fuse. Ja, ja, I must find zis out. [snips dynamite fuse] Zis is critical. [lights fuse with match] Ha ha ha, ja ja, you see zis? You see zis here vat I have told you? Yeah, zis is an example of smartness here. I have said that zis is ze quick fuse. Huh? And zis IS ze quick fuse.

View Quote Baby! Baby!... Why does he say this "baby"? The Führer has never said "baby". I did not write, "baby". What is it with this, "baby"?

View Quote Thank you, I knew I could con you.

View Quote [holding a gun to his head] Soon, I shall be with mein Führer... and Himmler. I'm coming to join you boys! [he pulls the trigger - it's out of bullets. Deeply disgusted:] Boy, when things go wrong...!

View Quote Hitler... there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon! TWO coats!

View Quote That's exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.