Producers, The (1968)

Producers, The (1968) quotes

65 total quotes (ID: 469)

Franz Liebkind
Leo Bloom
Lorenzo St. DuBois
Max Bialystock
Multiple Characters
Roger De Bris


Concierge: Who d'ya want?
Leo: I beg your pardon?
Concierge: Who d'ya want? Nobody gets in the building unless I know who they want. I'm the "consy-urge". My husband used to be the "consy-urge", but he's dead. Now I'M the "consy-urge".
Max: We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
Concierge: Oh... the Kraut! He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
Max: Thank you...
Concierge: ...But you won't find him there... he's up on the roof with his boids. He keeps boids. Dirty... disgusting... filthy... lice-ridden boids. You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. Not anymore! No, sir! Boids!... You get my drift?
Leo: We... uh... get your "drift". Thank you, madam.
Concierge: I'm not a "madam"! I'm a "consy-urge"!


Leo: [after walking in on Max romancing Hold me, Touch me]
Leo: Oh my God!
Max: You mean "oops", don't you? Just say "oops" and get out!
Leo: Ahahahahahahahaha...
Max: Not "ahahahahahahah!" Oops!
Leo: Oops! [slams the door]

Hold me, Touch me: And after that, we'll play, "The Abduction and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia", and I'll be Lucretia.
Max: And I'll be Rape!

Goebbels: Danke schön, mein Führer.
Lorenzo St. DuBois: Hey, you're a German.
Goebbels: We're all Germans.
Lorenzo St. DuBois: That's right. [gasps] That means we CANNOT invade Germany.

Hold me, Touch me: I heard the Count fired you this morning - watch the road, watch the road.
Max: [stops making car noises] Oh, Countess, I can't take my eyes off you! How can I drive when you drive me mad? Mad! [continues making car noises]
Hold me, Touch me: Oh, Rudolpho, you dirty pig! Pull over.

Old Lady in Audience: [Before turning to leave the theater] Well! Talk about bad taste!

Drunk: Eternally grateful... A TOAST!
Max: A TOAST!
Leo: A TOAST... to what?
Drunk: To... to toast, I love toast.
Max: To toast.
Leo: To toast.

Leo: Let's assume, just for the moment, that you are a dishonest man.
Max: Assume away.

Hold me, Touch me: [locking the door to Max's office] Let's fool around.

I lieb ya, baby, I lieb ya, I lieb ya! Now lieb me alone!

Hold me, Touch me: Hold me! Touch me!
Max: [pulling her into his office] Not in the hall!

Singers: Don't be stupid! Be a smartie!
Come and join the Nazi Party! (Actually sung by Mel Brooks)

Leo: Actors are not animals! They're human beings!
Max: They are? Have you ever eaten with one?

Singers: Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Winter for Poland and France

Franz: I know who did zis! It vas that LSD!
Max: [hands Franz a bunch of dollar bills] Go, Franz! Buy bullets!