Caller: I was calling because I have a really big problem.
Howard: What's your problem?
Caller: Well, every morning I lie in bed, and the only thing I can do is think of you.
Howard: Oh, really? Well, let's see if we can't help you with your problem. What do you look like?
Caller: Well, I've got blond hair, and I've got blue eyes, and my measurements are about 38-24-34. Some people tell me I look a lot like Farrah Fawcett.
Howard: I can help you. Robin, I can help this girl.
Robin: You know, we have the most beautiful audience.
Howard: We certainly do. We're very fortunate that way. You know what we're gonna do to solve your problem? I'm gonna have sex with you right now over the radio.
Robin: How are we gonna do that?
Howard: Very simple. I've thought this through, Robin. First of all, what kind of radio are you listening to us on? You have a transistor radio, or you have one of those big sound systems?
Caller: I have one of those big sound systems.
Howard: Good. OK. Could you turn the treble all the way down and put the bass all the way up?
Caller: OK. The treble's down, and the bass is up.
Howard: Take your speaker...You got a big speaker?
Caller: Yes, I do.
Howard: Lay it flat on the floor. And I want you to sort of straddle the speaker.
Robin: Howard!
Caller: Do what?
Robin: A woman cannot be aroused in that way.
Howard: No. This is really wrong, Robin. You're absolutely wrong. In fact, my father was a radio engineer, and he proved this theory years ago. You've got to believe. Now, what I need you to do is put your private area over the woofer.
Caller: I can't believe you're really making me to do this.
Howard: Come on, do it. Right up against it so you can feel me.
Caller: I'm on.
Robin: Oh, I have to ask her a question. What kind of a woman are you to have sex this way on the radio?
Howard: Don't answer that question. Bad question. You're gonna ruin this woman's mood. She might start second-guessing. Are you ready to have sex?
Caller: [Giggling] Oh, my God.
Howard: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Caller: Ooh!
Howard: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Caller: Oohh! Ooh. It kinda tingles.
Howard: See? It tingles. She likes it.
Robin: Yeah, sure.
Howard: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Caller: Ohh! Oh...
Robin: She's full of it.
Caller: Aahh! Ohh! Oh, God! Oh!
Howard: Listen to her. She's going wild.
Robin: You got me moaning.
Howard: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Caller: Ohhhhhhhh! Oh, my goodness. Ohhh!
Howard: [laughs] This is the best sex I ever had.
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