Old School

Old School quotes

102 total quotes (ID: 429)

Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell
Frank 'The Tank' Ricard
Garry, the Oral Sex Instructor
Mitch Martin
Multiple Characters


Marissa: That's really, loud.
Frank: Yeah, thanks. Took the restrictor plate off, thought I'd give the Red Dragon a little more juice, but lets keep that on the downlow, she's not exactly street-legal [waving to a neighbor] Hey Mike!


Mitch: [after catching Heidi with another man] Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened.
Heidi: Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?

Mitch: A professor lived here for like thirty years and died.
Beanie: That's awesome.

Mitch: I see Frank's dad made it out, I haven't seen him in like eight years.
Frank: I love you dad.

Mitch: I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
Beanie: Well Columbus wasn't looking for America my man, but that seems to have worked out for everybody didn't it?

Mitch: I've had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some ****ing sleep.
Beanie: I...I don't know why you gotta do it...in front of the kid, with the f'in. All you gotta do is say earmuffs to him, [to kid] "earmuffs", and you can say "****, shit, bitch"...whatever you want.
Frank: ****. Balls.
Beanie: OK. I'm just proving a point. You don't have to celebrate it, Frank.

Mitch: So what are you? Campus security?
Dean Pritchard: Try again.
Beanie: Jehovah's Witness?
Dean Pritchard: I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.
...
Mitch: Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard: Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Beanie: Who's this guy?
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.

Mitch: Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
Cab Driver: I recommend you stop being such a ****. You're in the backseat.

Mitch: Who's this guy?
Beanie: Oh, that's Blue. He's an old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry about him, he's legit.
Mitch: He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?
Beanie: You kidding me? Old man river can't shut up about it.

Nicole: I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?
Mitch: Well, yes but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.

Peppers: She's a beauty, ain't she?
Frank: Yeah, what kind of gun is this?
Peppers: It's a tranquilizer gun. If any of these little ****ers decide to freak out on the kids, I get to take them down. Ain't that right? [yanks on the mule's reigns] Oh, what? That's what I thought. Shut up.
[Frank ****s the gun]
Peppers: Hey, hey. Careful with that. That's the most powerful tranq gun on the market. Got her in Mexico.
Frank: Cool.
Peppers: Yeah, it is cool. They say it can puncture the skin of a rhino from...
[Frank shoots himself in the neck with the dart]
Peppers: YES! That's awesome!
Frank: What?
Peppers: You just took one in the jugular, man.
Frank: What? I did? [feeling his neck]
Peppers: YES!
Frank: Oh my god. Is this bad? Is this bad?
Peppers: You better pull that shit out man. That shit is not cool.
Frank: Wait. Wait? Pull what out?
Peppers: You got a ****ing dart in your neck man.
Frank: [laughing] You're... you're crazy man. I like you, but you're crazy.

Spanish: Damn, I gonna end up workin' at Red Lobster.
Frat Brother: You already work at Red Lobster.
Spanish: Yea, part time... dick.

Therapist: Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.
Frank: Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I started thinking maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree, in the nest, are we not?

Weensie: [after learning he's going to be expelled] Listen, this is a serious situation. I mean, I'm kicked out of school. I don't know what I'm gonna do, man. My mom's gonna kill me.
Mitch: C'mon, she's not gonna kill you.
Weensie: Yes she is. See, I'm the first one to go to college in my family and when I left she said, "Weensie, if you screw this up, I'll kill you." She showed me the knife.

Woman: [holding a grocery bag] What are you doing?
Frank: You tell anyone about this and I'll ****ing kill you. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, we'll have him home by midnight. [reaches into the grocery bag and takes out cheese balls]