Multiple Characters quotes

Waiter: Love, it's a mother****er, huh?

Waiter: And don't worry. For the Godfather, it's always on the house.

Waiter: You are beautiful. But no offense, he, he is the king. You are having coffee and pie with a living legend.

Wedding Singer: [singing] ****in' every now and then I fall apart and I need you now tonight. I ****in' need you more than ever.

Mark: [to little girl] This is yesterday's paper. When are you going to use your goddamn brains for once in your life? Hello. What are you retarded?

Mark: [after being caught with another woman] What are you gonna do? Tell on me? You know you can't buddy. It's guy code. That's something chicks do. You're not a chick are you? Ok. Good talk. I'll see you out there.

Gordon Pritchard: Half these guys don't even go here and that one guy is like ninety.

Booker: We've been waiting all semester for you to ask us.

Dean Pritchard: I'm sorry is that funny? Are you a standup comic, is that what you do now? This is me leaving. This is me leaving.

Jerry: What will you have to do with the university?
Beanie: Legally speaking there will be a loose affiliation. But, we will give nothing back to the academic community. As well as provide no public service of any kind. This much I promise you.

Mitch: Who's this guy?
Beanie: Oh, that's Blue. He's an old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry about him, he's legit.
Mitch: He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?
Beanie: You kidding me? Old man river can't shut up about it.

Mitch: Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
Cab Driver: I recommend you stop being such a ****. You're in the backseat.

Woman: [holding a grocery bag] What are you doing?
Frank: You tell anyone about this and I'll ****ing kill you. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, we'll have him home by midnight. [reaches into the grocery bag and takes out cheese balls]

Spanish: Damn, I gonna end up workin' at Red Lobster.
Frat Brother: You already work at Red Lobster.
Spanish: Yea, part time... dick.

Therapist: Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.
Frank: Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I started thinking maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree, in the nest, are we not?

Frank: I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.
College Student: A big day? Doing what?
Frank: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, get some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond,[then very excited] I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time!

Mitch: I've had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some ****ing sleep.
Beanie: I...I don't know why you gotta do it...in front of the kid, with the f'in. All you gotta do is say earmuffs to him, [to kid] "earmuffs", and you can say "****, shit, bitch"...whatever you want.
Frank: ****. Balls.
Beanie: OK. I'm just proving a point. You don't have to celebrate it, Frank.

Frank: Blue, how come there's no ice in my lemonade?
[throws the lemonade into the pool]
Blue: Sorry, sir.
Frank: Drop down and give me ten. Now!
Blue: [bends down into a push-up position] Yes, sir.

[Two girls are topless in the pool of KY jelly, waiting to wrestle Blue]
Frank: Are you sure you're ok with this, Blue?
Blue: Just ring the ****ing bell, you pansy.

Frank: BLUE! Do you trust that we have provided you with enough rope so that your cinder block will fall safely to the ground?
Blue: Y-Yes sir.
Frank: Blue do you trust that I do not want to see you die here tonight?
Blue: Yes sir.
Frank: Blue, you're my boy!
Blue: Thank you sir.

Weensie: [after learning he's going to be expelled] Listen, this is a serious situation. I mean, I'm kicked out of school. I don't know what I'm gonna do, man. My mom's gonna kill me.
Mitch: C'mon, she's not gonna kill you.
Weensie: Yes she is. See, I'm the first one to go to college in my family and when I left she said, "Weensie, if you screw this up, I'll kill you." She showed me the knife.

Mitch: [after catching Heidi with another man] Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened.
Heidi: Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?

Man at door: Hello.
Mitch: Yeah?
Man at door: I'm here for the gangbang...

Frank: A little housewarming gift. To new beginnings.
Mitch: I actually gave this to you for your wedding.
Frank: This model?
Mitch: This exact one.
Frank: I'm sorry, I'm, I'm embarassed.
Mitch: I hope you like it.
Frank: I Love it... thank you.

Peppers: She's a beauty, ain't she?
Frank: Yeah, what kind of gun is this?
Peppers: It's a tranquilizer gun. If any of these little ****ers decide to freak out on the kids, I get to take them down. Ain't that right? [yanks on the mule's reigns] Oh, what? That's what I thought. Shut up.
[Frank ****s the gun]
Peppers: Hey, hey. Careful with that. That's the most powerful tranq gun on the market. Got her in Mexico.
Frank: Cool.
Peppers: Yeah, it is cool. They say it can puncture the skin of a rhino from...
[Frank shoots himself in the neck with the dart]
Peppers: YES! That's awesome!
Frank: What?
Peppers: You just took one in the jugular, man.
Frank: What? I did? [feeling his neck]
Peppers: YES!
Frank: Oh my god. Is this bad? Is this bad?
Peppers: You better pull that shit out man. That shit is not cool.
Frank: Wait. Wait? Pull what out?
Peppers: You got a ****ing dart in your neck man.
Frank: [laughing] You're... you're crazy man. I like you, but you're crazy.

Marissa: Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday.
Frank: My birthday? What do you mean?
Marissa: Yeah, last Thursday. Oh, you forgot your birthday, didn't you, Frank?
Frank: Damn it. I'm such an idiot.

Marissa: That's really, loud.
Frank: Yeah, thanks. Took the restrictor plate off, thought I'd give the Red Dragon a little more juice, but lets keep that on the downlow, she's not exactly street-legal [waving to a neighbor] Hey Mike!

Beanie: Spanish what the hell are you doing?
Spanish: I'm just going to get some water. This suit is crazy hot, yo.
Beanie: Put your head back on. That can be very traumatic for the kids.
Spanish: You're right, I'm sorry, sir.
Beanie: Don't sorry me, babe. And shake the tail when you walk. You're better than that.

Jerry: That was great.
Frank: What happened? I blacked out.

Beanie: Girls love a guy who's in your situation.
Mitch: What situation?
Beanie: Mitch. You're on the rebound. You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health and is finally going to be released back into the wilderness.

Frank: Yea, I'm cool either way. I just have to run it by Marissa.
[Mitch and Beanie give him a weird look]
Frank: I'm messing with you guys.
Beanie: Not funny. Not funny. And now the baby is upset.

Marissa: Just as long as you promise to take it easy.
Frank: What do you mean?
Marissa: You know exactly what I mean. You've come along way since Frank the Tank and we don't want him coming back do we?
Frank: Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back, ok? That part of me is over. Water under the bridge. I promise.

Mitch: I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
Beanie: Well Columbus wasn't looking for America my man, but that seems to have worked out for everybody didn't it?

Frank: I just wanna tell you guys thanks for being here. Best day ever.
Beanie: Frank, you need to walk away from this right now.

Mitch: A professor lived here for like thirty years and died.
Beanie: That's awesome.

Beanie: Don't say sorry to me, Frank. Say it to the baby.
Frank: Sorry, baby.

Mitch: So what are you? Campus security?
Dean Pritchard: Try again.
Beanie: Jehovah's Witness?
Dean Pritchard: I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.
...
Mitch: Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard: Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Beanie: Who's this guy?
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.

Beanie: Weensie, you're on lifeguard duty.
Weensie: Sir, I can't swim, sir.
Frank: Speak when spoken to.

Beanie: Whose life is ruined?
Mitch: Let's see. Blue's dead. Frank's divorced. I've lost my house. Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass. And we got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school and you're not even gonna help them out.

Frank: I had an awesome time!
Beanie: Frank, I know that you had an awesome time. I think the entire town knows you had an awesome time. I'm trying to ask our friend Mitch if he had a good time.

Nicole: I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?
Mitch: Well, yes but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.

Frank: Actually, I'd like to jump in and take that one, Jimmy, if you don't mind.
James Carville: Have at it, hoss.

Mitch: I see Frank's dad made it out, I haven't seen him in like eight years.
Frank: I love you dad.

Frank: Jerry, are you a statistics major or something?
Jerry: Actually I am. Minoring in Hebrew science.
Frank: Well, I didn't know that. Because you didn't tell me. Now I look like a jackass.

Beanie: Can you do me a favor and tell Mitch it's perfectly okay to have sex with a 17-year-old?
Lara Campbell: Oh, yeah. It's fine, if you're 18 or you live in Louisiana.

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