Never Give a Sucker an Even Break quotes

27 total quotes

Mr. Pangborn
Multiple Characters
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill

View Quote I don't know why I ever come in here - The flies get the best of everything.

View Quote I feel as though somebody stepped on my tongue with muddy feet.

View Quote [to a pretty girl] Hi ya tootie-pie. Everything under control? [the girl's boyfriend punches him] All five of 'em hit me at once.

View Quote [to Gloria Jean] Don't you want to live in this beautiful nest, have a personal maid, wear a diaphanous gown, and eat regularly?

View Quote [after a waitress pours water in his lap] No extra charge for the cold shower I hope.

View Quote Marvelous. Wonderful. Amazing. The girl has been living on a mountaintop since she was three months old and for no reason at all, suddenly blossoms out with Jump and Jive. Do you actually think I'm a dope? Now don't you answer that.

View Quote [after falling from a plane, and landing on a mattress] Why didn't I think of that parachute? What a bump!

View Quote [offering a cure for insomnia] Get plenty of sleep. That's what the doctor told me.

View Quote Lucky we didn't have an accident...We'd never have made it.

View Quote There's no sense arguing with a woman.

View Quote This script is an insult to a man's intelligence - even mine...It's impossible, inconceivable, incomprehensible, and besides that, it's no good. And as for the continuity, it's terrible.

View Quote [about a large Turkish passenger] Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?