National Lampoon's Vacation

National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

67 total quotes (ID: 413)

Clark Griswold
Multiple Characters
Roy Walley


Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.


Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?
Pimp: **** yo mama!
Clark: Thank you very much.

Ellen Griswold: I'm not sure of his exact height and weight. All I know is that the man was a saint with children and a genius with food additives and he was... Clark!

Cousin Eddie: I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.

Motorcycle Cop: Ya know, if I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver, faster than you could say "police brutality."

Ellen: [looking at the dead Aunt Edna in the back seat] She must have passed away somewhere near Flagstaff. What are we going to do Clark?
Clark: Well, I guess we could leave her here and maybe the first phone we pass, we could call Cousin Normie and he could come and get her I guess.
Ellen: That is the meanest, coldest...
Clark: Well, what do you want me to do? Call Federal Express?
Audrey: Mom, we don't have to ride with a dead person, do we? Please say we don't!
Rusty: Yeah, come on. It'll be real easy for Normie to find Aunt Edna. All he has to do is look for the buzzards.

Lasky: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?
Clark: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.
Lasky: It's a BB gun!
Clark: Don't tempt me. I could poke an eye out with this thing.
Lasky: You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.

Audrey Griswold: She breathed on me! A dead person breathed on me!

Ahhh! I'd like to propose a toast, if I may? Here's to...a very restful vacation. Here's to...a very relaxing vacation. A renewed love affair. And...a time of joy with our babies.

Aunt Edna: Is this your idea of a good restaurant? Dog killer!

Clark: Despite all the little problems it's fun isn't it?
Ellen: No. But with every new day there's fresh hope.

Rusty: Wow dad, we must have jumped that rail by like 50 yards.
Clark: Nothing to be proud of Russ... [pauses as Rusty walks away] 50 yards...

Aunt Edna: Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news?
Cousin Catherine: [nervously] Uh, no; I was just about to.
Ellen: Good news, what good news, Catherine?
Aunt Edna: You're driving me to Phoenix!
[Clark bites into his 'burger' and it squirts out onto the plate]

Rusty: [looking through Dale's porno magazines] Would you ever consider selling any of these?
Cousin Dale: No way, I treasure these. I use them a lot.
Rusty: How do you use magazines?
Cousin Dale: Ya ever bop your boloney?

I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna's purse?