National Lampoon's Vacation

National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

67 total quotes (ID: 413)

Clark Griswold
Multiple Characters
Roy Walley


Cousin Eddie: I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.


Aunt Edna: Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? He sure as Hell can't take a hint.
Cousin Eddie: Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash?
Clark: [pulling some 20s out of his wallet] Sure, Eddie, how much do you need?
Cousin Eddie: About fifty-two thousand dollars.
[Clark quickly begins putting the money back in his wallet]

Rusty: Hey, ya' got Pac Man?
Cousin Dale: No.
Rusty: Ya' got Space Invaders?
Cousin Dale: Nope.
Rusty: Ya' got Asteroids?
Cousin Dale: Naw, but my dad does. Can't even sit on the toilet some days.

Motorcycle Cop: Ya know, if I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver, faster than you could say "police brutality."

Aunt Edna: Is this your idea of a good restaurant? Dog killer!

Ellen Griswold: I'm not sure of his exact height and weight. All I know is that the man was a saint with children and a genius with food additives and he was... Clark!

Rusty: [looking through Dale's porno magazines] Would you ever consider selling any of these?
Cousin Dale: No way, I treasure these. I use them a lot.
Rusty: How do you use magazines?
Cousin Dale: Ya ever bop your boloney?

Ahhh! I'd like to propose a toast, if I may? Here's to...a very restful vacation. Here's to...a very relaxing vacation. A renewed love affair. And...a time of joy with our babies.

Audrey Griswold: She breathed on me! A dead person breathed on me!

Lasky: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?
Clark: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.
Lasky: It's a BB gun!
Clark: Don't tempt me. I could poke an eye out with this thing.
Lasky: You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.

I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna's purse?

Aunt Edna: Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news?
Cousin Catherine: [nervously] Uh, no; I was just about to.
Ellen: Good news, what good news, Catherine?
Aunt Edna: You're driving me to Phoenix!
[Clark bites into his 'burger' and it squirts out onto the plate]

Clark: Despite all the little problems it's fun isn't it?
Ellen: No. But with every new day there's fresh hope.

Aunt Edna: Clark, Dinkins needs a long walk and a bath.
Clark: Rusty take care of Dinkins.
Rusty: Dad he bites.
Clark: Bite him back.

Clark: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
Ellen: Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!