National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

View Quote [the kids are playing Pacman while Clark is designing a map on the computer] Russ, please don't eat the Truckster.

View Quote Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.

View Quote I think you're all ****ed in the head! We're ten hours from ****ing fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation, it's a quest. It's a quest for fun, I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun, we're all gonna have so much ****ing fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy; I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Oh, shit!

View Quote Ahhh! I'd like to propose a toast, if I may? Here's to...a very restful vacation. Here's to...a very relaxing vacation. A renewed love affair. And...a time of joy with our babies.

View Quote The Girl in the Ferrari: It's too bad you're married... I'm in the mood for some fun!

View Quote Cousin Eddie: I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.

View Quote Motorcycle Cop: Ya know, if I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver, faster than you could say "police brutality."

View Quote Aunt Edna: Is this your idea of a good restaurant? Dog killer!

View Quote Ellen Griswold: I'm not sure of his exact height and weight. All I know is that the man was a saint with children and a genius with food additives and he was... Clark!

View Quote Audrey Griswold: She breathed on me! A dead person breathed on me!

View Quote Marty Moose: Sorry, folks! We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

View Quote Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.

View Quote Clark: Ed, this is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with C.B. and optional rally fun pack.
Car Salesman: You didn't order the Metallic Pea?

View Quote Car Salesman: Wait a minute, I'll get to the bottom of this, we'll find your car. Davenport!
Davenport: Yes, Mr. Ed.
Car Salesman: Where is Mr. Griswold's Sports Wagon?
Davenport: I don't know sir.
Car Salesman: I know what must have happened. It didn't come in. Now I can get you the Sports Wagon; the only problem is that it may take six weeks. I owe it to myself to tell you that if you're taking the whole tribe cross-country, the Wagon Queen Family Truckster is the way to go. You think you hate it now, but just wait until you drive it.
Clark: Ed, I'm not your average fool. Now I want my super sports wagon now, or I'm gonna take my business elsewhere!
Car Salesman: Davenport! Get Mr. Griswald's car and bring it back here!
[the car is in the process of being smashed. It returns flat, and Clark tries to squat and open the door]

View Quote Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?
Pimp: **** yo mama!
Clark: Thank you very much.