National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation quotes

57 total quotes (ID: 873)

Clark W. Griswold
Cousin Eddie
Others


Art: The little lights aren't twinkling.
Clark: I know Art. And thanks for noticing.


Aunt Bethany: What's that sound?
Uncle Lewis: You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.

Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No shit.

Mr. Shirley: [Picks up the phone receiver] Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I'm waiting.

Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.
Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?
Clark: No, I have one of those at home.

Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things.
Catherine: Not recently, Clark, he read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

Clark Sr: (extreme close up) SQUUUIIIIRRRREEELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clark: Russ, we checked every bulb didn't we?
Rusty: Sure, Dad.
Clark: Hmm... Maybe we ought to just go up there and check...
Rusty: Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car...

Aunt Bethany: Is Rusty still in the navy?

Audrey: Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is?
Ellen: Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic.

Audrey Griswold: Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?

[As Clark is trying to catch the loose squirrel]
Clark: Russ, go get the hammer.
Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for?
Clark: I'm gonna catch it in the coat... And smack it with the hammer.
Ellen: You are not going to kill that squirrel in front of all these kids!
Clark: Well honey, what do you suggest?

[after Clark fails at lighting all the exterior Christmas lights at the "lighting ceremony" in front of the entire family]
Frances: Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.
Audrey Griswold: He worked really hard, Grandma.
Art: So do washing machines.

Can't see the line, can you Russ?

Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here piece of furniture. If you don't mind my askin', how much did she set you back?