National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation quotes

57 total quotes

Clark W. Griswold
Cousin Eddie
Others

View Quote [Snots is choking under the table making it shake]
Clark: Uh, Eddie? What's wrong with the dog?
[Snot gags again, table shakes]
Eddie: (Looks under table) Oh, he's just yakin' on a bone.
[Snot coughs up the bone]
Eddie: He got it up.

View Quote He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if your wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish.

View Quote Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised that I am now.

View Quote Audrey: Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is?
Ellen: Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic.

View Quote Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things.
Catherine: Not recently, Clark, he read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

View Quote Aunt Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark Griswold: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
Aunt Bethany: Don't throw me down the stairs, Clark.
Clark Griswold: I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany.

View Quote Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.
Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?
Clark: No, I have one of those at home.

View Quote Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn't have done that.
Aunt Bethany: Oh dear, did I break wind?
Uncle Lewis: Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no, she means presents. You shouldn't have brought presents.

View Quote Aunt Bethany: What's that sound?
Uncle Lewis: You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.

View Quote Clark: Let's burn some dust here, eat my rubber!
Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think what you mean is "burn rubber" and "eat my dust".
Clark: Whatever Russ, whatever.

View Quote [As Clark is trying to catch the loose squirrel]
Clark: Russ, go get the hammer.
Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for?
Clark: I'm gonna catch it in the coat... And smack it with the hammer.
Ellen: You are not going to kill that squirrel in front of all these kids!
Clark: Well honey, what do you suggest?

View Quote Art: Hurry up, Clark. I'm freezing my baguettes off.

View Quote If that cat had nine lives she just spent 'em all!

View Quote Ellen Griswold: I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.

View Quote [Todd Chester stares in horror at Eddie draining the RV toilet into the sewer drain] Merry Christmas! Shitter's full!