Cousin Eddie quotes

If that cat had nine lives she just spent 'em all!

They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.

[Todd Chester stares in horror at Eddie draining the RV toilet into the sewer drain] Merry Christmas! Shitter's full!

[walks in with a bound and gagged Mr. Shirley tied with a big red ribbon] Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, Clark. [to Mr. Shirley] You about ready to do some kissing?

Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here piece of furniture. If you don't mind my askin', how much did she set you back?

He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if your wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish.

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