National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation quotes

View Quote Well I'm gonna park the cars and get the suit cases, and well, I'll be outside for the season.

View Quote [the newel post is wobbly so Clark cuts it off with a chain saw] Fixed the newel post.

View Quote I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.

View Quote Can't see the line, can you Russ?

View Quote If that cat had nine lives she just spent 'em all!

View Quote [walks in with a bound and gagged Mr. Shirley tied with a big red ribbon] Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, Clark. [to Mr. Shirley] You about ready to do some kissing?

View Quote Ellen Griswold: I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.

View Quote Ellen Griswold: Welcome to our home - what's left of it.

View Quote Aunt Bethany: [after reaching the Griswolds' house] Is this the airport Clark?

View Quote Aunt Bethany: Is Rusty still in the navy?

View Quote Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.
Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?
Clark: No, I have one of those at home.

View Quote Clark: Let's burn some dust here, eat my rubber!
Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think what you mean is "burn rubber" and "eat my dust".
Clark: Whatever Russ, whatever.

View Quote [Clark is looking at lingerie, as a voluptuous saleswoman approaches]
Mary: Can I help you with anything?
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - brousing.
Mary: For your wife? For your girlfriend?
Clark: Uh... huh? What happened? I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? How'd that happen?
Mary: Because it's cold out?
Clark: Yes, Yes, it is a bit nipply out. I mean 'nippy out.' What am I saying, nipple? Ah, there is a nip in the air, though.

View Quote Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No shit.

View Quote Aunt Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark Griswold: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
Aunt Bethany: Don't throw me down the stairs, Clark.
Clark Griswold: I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany.