Napoleon Dynamite quotes

View Quote Back in '82, I used to be able to toss a pigskin a quarter of a mile.

View Quote Your grandma took a spill at the sand dunes today. Broke her coccyx!

View Quote Uncle Rico: So, what do you think?
Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess.
Uncle Rico: Ohhhh, man, I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state.
Napoleon: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
Uncle Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.
Napoleon: You guys are ****ed!

View Quote Don: [playing kickball] Hey, Napoleon. Did you wet the bed last night?
Napoleon: Hey, Don. Did you take a dump in your bed last night?
Don: I could kick your butt, Napoleon, so I'd shut up.
Napoleon: Why don't you go tell your mom to shut up?
Don: What did you just say?
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna say!
Don: Did you just say something about my mom?
Napoleon: Maybe I did, maybe I didn't!
Don: Do you wanna die, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Yeah, right. Who's the only one here knows illegal ninja moves from the government?
Don: [steps up to Napoleon] Step up, Napoleon.
[Napoleon slaps him, then runs away.]

View Quote Napoleon: [referring to the dance] Who are you gonna ask?
Pedro: That girl over there.
Napoleon: Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that?
Pedro: Build her a cake or something.

View Quote Vern: What are you going to do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!
Napoleon: (takes a bottle of juice from the refrigerator and stops short) Who are you?
Lafawnduh: I'm Lafawnduh.
Napoleon: What are you doing here?
Lafawnduh: Waiting for Kip. (short pause) Why are you so sweaty? (points at him)
Napoleon: 'Been practicing.
Lafawnduh: Practicing what?
Napoleon: My dance moves (compulsively turns his head and takes a swig of juice).

View Quote Uncle Rico: What about your girlfriend?
Kip: Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours everyday so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.

View Quote Napoleon: Well, what is there to eat?
Grandma: Knock it off, Napoleon! Make yourself a dang quesadilla!
Napoleon: Fine!

View Quote Deb: And here we have some boondoggle keychains. A must-have for this season's fashion.
Napoleon: I already made, like, infinity of those at scout camp.
Deb: Well, is anyone else here? I'm trying to earn money for college.
Kip: [in the background] Your mom goes to college!
[Deb shoves the case into Napoleon's hands and runs away]

View Quote Man I wish I could go back in time... I'd take state.

View Quote Lafawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm 100% positive she's my soul mate. Don't worry Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. Peace out.

View Quote Kip: So how long are we talking about working?
Uncle Rico: What,are you already losing your steam?
Kip: No, I just... I have a chat room meeting at four. I gotta be back here by then.
Uncle Rico: All right, you just start a little earlier, that's all. Or else work afterwards. How long is the chat room?
Kip: Jeez, sometimes up to 3 or 4 hours maybe... maybe not...
Uncle Rico: You pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like for minutes on the phone?
Kip: Yeah, grandma's still paying per minute. She gets kinda pissed at me sometimes cause I'm on there so long.
Uncle Rico: I bet she does. I'll tell you something, I'd be throwing you out the window.

View Quote Yeah, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff.

View Quote [Kip is singing to Lafawnduh after they are pronounced husband and wife] Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever... We met in a chat room, now our love can fully bloom... Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make me salivate... Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But still, I love technology... Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above... always and forever, always and forever... Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever...

View Quote Napoleon, let go of me! You're bruising my neck meat!