Napoleon Dynamite quotes

View Quote Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

View Quote Napoleon: Do you ride the bus to school?
Pedro: No, I ride my bike.
Napoleon: What kind of bike do you have?
Pedro: It's a Sledgehammer.
Napoleon: Dang! You got shocks... pegs... Lucky! You ever taken off any sweet jumps?

View Quote Teacher: Your current event, Napoleon.
Napoleon: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its residents, and all those who seek a peaceful existence with our underwater ally.

View Quote Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon: No, go find your own.
Randy: Come on. Give me some of your tots.
Napoleon: No. I'm freakin' starved. I didn't get to eat anything today.
[Randy kicks Napoleon's pants pocket, ruining the tater tots]
Napoleon: Ugh.. gross. Freakin' idiot!

View Quote Napoleon: Hey, can I use your guys' phone for a sec?
Secretary: Is there anything wrong?
Napoleon: I don't feel very good. [takes telephone and dials number]
Kip: [on other line, making nachos] Hi.
Napoleon: Is grandma there?
Kip: No, she's getting her hair done.
Napoleon: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Kip: What do you need?
Napoleon: Can you just go get her for me?
Kip: I'm really busy right now.
Napoleon: Just tell her to come get me.
Kip: Why?
Napoleon: 'Cause I don't feel good!
Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse?
Napoleon: No, she doesn't know anything... Will you just come get me?
Kip: No.
Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my ChapStick?
Kip: No, Napoleon.
Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has, like, five sticks in her drawer.
Napoleon: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip: See ya.
Napoleon: Ugh! Idiot!

View Quote How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?... Yeah... Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.

View Quote Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?
Napoleon: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
Don: Did you shoot any?
Napoleon: Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
Don: What kind of gun did you use?
Napoleon: A frickin' twelve-gauge, what do you think?

View Quote Napoleon: Why do you got your hood on like that?
Pedro: Well, when I came home from school, my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a while, but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head so hot. So I went in the kitchen, and I shaved it all off and I don't want no one to see.

View Quote Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip!
Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous 'cause I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to become a cage fighter.
Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon: What?
Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.
Napoleon: [comes down the stairs] Such an idiot...!
[After Napoleon tries and fails to hit Kip a few times, the doorbell rings]
Napoleon: I'll get it. [Slaps Kip in the face while he's not looking]
Kip: Geeeez!

View Quote [Whispering while typing] I love the way your sandy hair floats in the air... To me it's like a lullaby... I'm just flying by...Oh so high... like a kite... tied to a stake.

View Quote Take a look at what I'm wearing, people [in sunglasses and matching American flag pants and bandana]. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? [Points at a photo of his wife, a blonde, tan, muscular body-builder] Forget about it!

View Quote Napoleon: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.
Napoleon: Too bad. She said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.
Uncle Rico: I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon: Get off my property!
Uncle Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Napoleon: Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.
Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!
Napoleon: Maybe I will, GOSH!

View Quote Napoleon: [drinks a glass of milk] The defect in that one is bleach.
FFA Judge No. 1: That's right.
Napoleon: Yessssss.
Napoleon: [drinks second glass of milk] This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.
FFA Judge No. 2: Correct.
Napoleon: Yessssss.

View Quote Uncle Rico: I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, Napoleon.
Napoleon: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up!
Uncle Rico: Let me tell you about something. While you're out there playing patty cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico is making a 120 bucks.
Napoleon: I could make that much money in 5 seconds!
Kip: Geez, yeah right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today.
Uncle Rico: Napoleon, it looks like you don't have a job. So, why don't you go out there and feed Tina?
Napoleon: Why don't you go eat a decroded piece of crap?

View Quote I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwon Do self-defense system! After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.